Family

One week ago today, I was on “day shift” with my Pop as he was recuperating in the hospital following his hip breaking and requiring surgery. What I didn’t know then was that it was his last full day on this earth. What I did know was that we had a good day just being together.

Let me back up some. On Sunday, January 18, I was at church and received word from my mom that Pop’s hip had broken and that he, Gran and Mama were in the ER. I decided then to head down to be with them, about 200 miles away. The girls were in Sunday School, so we let those in charge at church know that Mickey was running me home and would be back. We rushed me home, I packed and got on the road. When I got there, he was in the ER still, but in pretty good spirits, all things considered. He finally got moved to a room and we were told surgery would most likely be the next day. He had surgery on Monday, considered high risk, and even though his BP dipped and he had to spend time in PACU afterward, he came through it. When he woke up he told us the worst was behind him which I thought was pretty darn amazing considering all things. But, really, that wasn’t a surprise because he was always so strong. Mama, Gran and I set up a rotating schedule so that we would have one of us with him, at least, at all times, at the hospital while the others rested and took care of things at the house. I had originally planned to go home on Wednesday, but it worked out that I was with him at the hospital that day and I am so thankful that I had that time.

We started our day with some John Wayne on Netflix because he was missing his favorite station, The Westerns Channel, at home. As we were watching “Hondo” on the iPad, PT came in to work with him for the first time. That was a challenge for him, but he did not complain. It wore him out though. So, once he got from the bed to the recliner in the room, he rested a good while. I decided to snack on a pack of peanut M&Ms I had in the room. Well, he heard me open the pack and said, as only he could, “Whatcha eatin’, Boo?” So, I told him…M&Ms and he wanted me to bring him some. And, I did. I wasn’t able to coax him into eating much of his lunch besides ice cream, prior to that, but I was nonetheless happy to share my M&Ms with him. He and I always shared an affinity for “junk” food anyway. Eventually, PT came back and he moved back to bed which was painful and exhausting, but, as usual, he did not complain. He just did it. By this time I was able to find “Bonanza”, followed by “The Rifleman”, on tv, so that was a good thing for him. I was also able to wash his hair using a special microwaveable shower cap they have in hospitals and I put lotion on his hands and face (which he loved), so we had some “spa time” also. I told him I had to get him all cleaned up for his woman since Gran was coming in later to spend the night. We didn’t talk all that much, really, but we had a really good day. He told me I don’t know how many times that he didn’t know what he/they would do without me and I told him he wouldn’t have to find out because I was there. I held his hand and kissed his head, told him he was my “baby” and I wanted to take good care of him. The last time we had to move him to change him (remember: his hip was broken and repaired, he was immobile), the nurse tech and I noticed he had a more difficult time with it. Even though Gran was there by that time, I just couldn’t leave until he was breathing more steadily. Eventually, he was and I still didn’t feel super keen about leaving, but I knew I needed rest as did he and Gran. And I knew he was in good care. I left with a full heart just grateful for the time we had and that he had a pretty good day, all things considered.

Well, around 12:30am I got a call from Gran that I needed to get Mama and come to the hospital – Pop wasn’t breathing. I raced out of bed, threw on clothes, went to Mama’s to get her and we went to the hospital. We held out hope that he had been revived, but…he hadn’t. He just wasn’t able to keep breathing. He earned his heavenly homecoming in the very early morning hours of Thursday, January 22, 2015 – nine months to the day after Lawrence passed away. Needless to say, we were all in a state of shock as none of us had any inclination that he would go on then. But, really, I’m glad we didn’t know for a variety of reasons. And, we all trust God’s plan and provision. Even in our personal sorrow and grief, we have to remain thankful that he did not suffer and that he is whole again in the presence of God. Grief is for those of us left here, not for those who have gone on.

One week ago I had a day with my Granddaddy that blessed me more than I will EVER be able to put into words. To feel his hand in mine, to help take care of the man who cared for me all my life, to just be there and be with him — well, that’s something I will never forget and always be thankful for in my life.

Pop’s sudden passing has left me with a sadness in my heart because I just flat out miss him. I miss calling the house and hearing him say “Hey, Boo” in the background. He didn’t really want to talk on the phone, but he wanted to know all about our days and adventures. He wanted to hear about what the girls were up to. He loved us. That man LOVED his family, so much. And we love him. That’s why it’s so hard that he’s not with us anymore.

I know how blessed I am that I had him for forty and a half years of my life, trust me. But, I also now that there won’t ever be a day of my life when I won’t wish he was still with me. That’s selfish, I know, and I honestly don’t wish him back from the glory of heaven, but I just can’t help missing him here. If that makes any sense at all.  See, he wasn’t “just” a Granddaddy. He was so much more. He was always so involved and present in our lives. He as a stronghold in our family. He leaves behind a hole that no one could fill, really. It’ll take time to learn to live with that “new normal” and we can only do that by God’s grace and comfort.

In this last week and a half, we’ve had a great outpouring of love, support and prayer from family and friends. I can’t even say how much that has meant because the words, phone calls, cards, meals, texts, etc. have really gone above and beyond to give us comfort and peace. THANK YOU to those who have reached out and shown us your love. We’ve needed it and continue to need it as we go forward without our beloved Pop. If you ask me how I’m doing, I’m most likely to say “okay” because, well, that’s about the state of it. I’m just okay. Some days, some hours even, are better than others. But, I’m doing okay. God’s sustaining grace is carrying me. I trust a day is coming when the grief won’t feel so enveloping, but for now I’m just working through it all and try to let daily life keep me busy and distracted.

I do want to say a few things as advice, for those who need it:

• If you have grandparents or older parents, take time with them. Call, visit, etc. You’ll be so glad you did.
• Always ALWAYS tell your loved ones that you love them, even if you have to say it first.
• When someone passes away, even if you think you don’t know what to say to the family, say something. Even the “simplest” of messages have meant a lot to us. Just to know that you’re thought about and cared for helps.
• This goes with the above, but don’t wait until it’s too late. Visit, say what you need to say and be present with your loved ones. The value in that is indescribable.

Again, THANK YOU, for the outpouring of support we’ve received as a family. Your continued prayers and love are much appreciated.

I’m closing with the slide show of photos Mickey and I made for Pop’s funeral. Wasn’t he always so handsome? He was a faithful, devoted and loving family man and we will miss him until we see him again one day.

 

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We love you always, Pop…

Boo & Family

 

I’m dusting off my blog for the first time in a long time. To be honest, I wish I were coming out “posting hibernation” to write ANYTHING but what I am going to write today. I wish I had a book review to share, or a recipe or a cute new outfit. Anything else. Instead, I’m writing with a heavy heart. A week ago today, our family had a sudden and devastating loss when my Uncle Lawrence, my mama’s younger brother, went to heaven unexpectedly. To say that we are in shock is an understatement. It’s still unbelievable, even a week later, and I can’t fathom that is going to change. I know we will get through it, but we will never get over it.

I want to tell you about Lawrence, who was more than an uncle in a lot of ways. He was only 17 years older than me, so in  a lot of ways he was like a cool big brother. In other ways, he was a great friend. And, yes, he was an awesome uncle. He was that uncle that every kid deserves to have, really, because he thought of my brother Charlie and me as his own. He was also a fun great uncle to our girls and to Charlie’s kids too. Our family is no longer complete, to say the least.

Some things about Lawrence:

• He was my mama’s first baby. She was four years old when Gran and Pop were expecting another baby and she prayed HARD for a baby brother. When someone would ask her what if the baby was a girl, she would get tears in her eyes and say “But, I asked God for a baby brother…” And, she got one. He was her baby from June 28, 1956 onward. She will tell you that the happiest day of her life before she had me and then my brother was the day Lawrence was born. She always looked after him. They had an awesome relationship. He called her “Sistuh” (sister) in a way that only he could say. She often called him “Bubba” and told me that when he was little she sometimes called him “Ducky.” They looked out for one another. They had a bond that is still unbroken today even though he has gone on.
• He loved his family and his friends. Lawrence was loyal and kind. If  he had something you needed, you were welcome to it. His home was open to his family and friends. We have spent some really wonderful days at his place, just hanging out and content to just BE. He always had fun things for the kids to do and loved having them over to play. And, he sure did love Vikki. She was his “Vik” or “CC” (cool cat) as he sometimes called her.
• He wasn’t motivated by money and never tried to keep up with any joneses. Lawrence was who he was. Some might say he was a “simple man”, but don’t take that to mean he didn’t have depth. He definitely had depth of character and had strong values, but money didn’t drive or motivate him. He didn’t need the big fancy house, the latest designer clothes or a shiny new ride with all the bells and whistles. Oh, he liked cars, trust me, but it didn’t have to be brand new. He was content with the blessings he had and he didn’t try to live beyond his means.
• He drove a cotton truck for McClesky Cotton in Sasser, GA and he loved his job! He kept his cotton truck clean and in great working order. On days when he could, he would go by and pick up Pop to let Pop ride around and pick up cotton modules with him. When it got tougher for Pop to climb into the cotton truck, Lawrence fixed him up some steps by the road so Pop could get in the truck easier. That’s the kind of man he was. He loved his job and his family.
• He was mischievous. I might as well confess — this is a family trait. Many of us are like this. We like to “scare” people or pick, but it’s in fun, never mean. He was always up to something, or at least you had better be prepared in case he was. I didn’t understand his picking when I was a little girl, but, like our friend Polly said, eventually we learned to laugh at ourselves and THAT was an awesome lesson he taught us. Life is too short to be taken too seriously all the time, that’s for certain.
• Lawrence was a giver of nicknames. If he knew you, you probably had a nickname. AND, if he had your phone number, it’s probably stored in his cell phone under your nickname. I cannot recall EVER hearing him call me “Kelly”, but I can still hear him calling me “Kel” or “Boo” or “Boo-Bear.” We all had nicknames, even if it was just a name shortened down.

I could honestly go on and on, but I can’t  put him into enough words. He was so many things to so many people and his funeral was a testament to that. My dear friend Sammi told me after that it was the sweetest and most honest service she has ever been privileged to be a part of.  His service honored him. His neighbor and friend “Mr. Horace” gave the message and some of his friends came forward to speak. To hear grown men speak so lovingly of their friend was a true tribute. And, to hear his lifelong friend Jimmy say that Lawrence wasn’t in a mansion in heaven, but a shop out back — well, that rang true of how Lawrence is and would want to be. In my heart and mind, his passing and his funeral came WAY too soon, but if it had to happen then he couldn’t have been honored in any better or more touching way. I dare say that at the end of all of our days, we will want to be celebrated in the same way by those that knew and loved us best. I wanted to speak at his funeral, but…I just couldn’t. I couldn’t get the words to come. Those that DID speak did an awesome job and I hope they know how much  their words meant.

I still don’t have all the words. I’m going to be working for this for a long time, I know.  Last week, at a time when I really needed a word of encouragement, I read the following quote on Facebook and I am sharing it again here because of the truth it rings.  “Thank you, Lord, for the pain we feel. It is the price way pay for having loved someone so much. It is worth it.” As badly as this hurts and as much as I miss him already, I have to remember that it wouldn’t feel this bad if I didn’t love him and be blessed with his love too. There is no eloquent way to say how this feels and how it is to live in a world without Lawrence, so I’m just going to flat out say that it sucks. It does. And, I’m just glad our Heavenly Father, in His grace, doesn’t expect us to understand because I never will. I trust the Lord and His provision, but I will never understand these things.

I’m going to close this post with two pictures. The first is Lawrence with his wife, Vikki, and the second is Lawrence with his daddy, our Pop. Look at that smile on his face.  It was ever present. (As was the toothpick in his mouth.) He was full of love, life, mischief and fun. He made our world a better place just by being in it. And. I’m counting on him to keep heaven fun until we get there.

And, one more of him and Vik – he had been being SILLY just before this shot, but got him some sugar from his wife:

I love you, Lawrence…we all do and we always will!! We miss you so much, Buddy!!

Your Boo forever,

Kel

PS: If you  have a memory or anything to share, please feel free to do so here or on my Facebook.