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What’s a 2 To Do? Part Two…

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Last week I began my new blog series “What’s a 2 To Do?” I realized after I posted on a Thursday that I wanted to switch days for this series. I do love a good blog theme, so I decided that a series on my Enneagram Twoness really belongs on a Tuesday. (TWOsday, right?!) So, here we are. Part two (of I don’t know how many) on a Tuesday. Let’s go!

I began this series with a quick look at the Enneagram and I’ll give links at the end of this post for those who are interested. Today I’ll be going into more of what it looks like for me to be an Enneagram 2, specifically a 2W3. Everyone is different, so my 2W3 will absolutely seem familiar in some to other 2W3s, but some of my core strengths and challenges might not be exact to others. That’s okay. This is just a look into what makes me my own brand of 2W3 and as you get more familiar with the Enneagram and your specific typing, my hope is that you can use it as a tool to identify your core strengths and challenges in a way that makes you the healthiest and happiest you that you can be.

First of all…what exactly IS an Enneagram 2?

Enneagram 2s are described in a variety of ways, but it basically comes down to being a helper. Other descriptions I’ve seen are “considerate helper”, “supportive advisor”, and “the giver.” In short, in my own words – Enneagram 2s are “come alongside” people.  I won’t generalize here by saying “we”, although I probably could for most 2 characteristics, so I’ll stick to saying “I” so that I’m not pigeonholing the entirety of the Two world based on myself. So, what it looks like for me is that I find fulfilment and derive personal value from being able to identify needs and help people. The way I’m intrinsically wired is that I am basically always trying to anticipate, identify and execute ways that I can help and be of service to others. For me, this perfectly holds hands with my strongest Love Languages which are “Acts of Service” and “Gifts.”

Okay, so…what’s a 2W3?

Enneagram types often have “wings” which are characteristics that “wing over” into a directly adjacent Enneagram type. In other words, as a strong 2, my wings could only be a 1 or a 3. And, I am very much a 2 wing 3 because my strongest driving force is being a helper (2), but that is closely tied into being driven to achieve (3) for me. For me, personally, as a 2W3, I see myself almost as a “best supporting actress.” And I say that because of the word “supporting” rather than “actress” because none of this is driven by anything other than being authentically me.  What I absolutely LOVE is when I can help/support/uplift someone so that they can be their best selves. Even though I’m pretty outgoing, I am NOT a spotlight seeker. I would much rather be off to the side and let someone else enjoy the spotlight. So, when I say “achieve”, that has a different value for me. It’s not at all that I’m trying to be a super star in life, it’s that I’m trying to achieve being my very best and most healthy self. I don’t need top accolades or honors in order to feel successful, but I do absolutely thrive on being appreciated and valued.

What are some core strengths of Enneagram 2s?

  • Helpers – as I’ve said before, Twos are commonly referred to as “the helper.” For me, I definitely find this to be spot on because I find that I seek opportunities to help. In my ever so humble opinion, 2s make ideal employees and volunteers because we are driven by the need to help and be of assistance. Generally speaking, we are not the “it’s not my job” types, but are most likely to roll up our sleeves and pitch in when things need to be done. We find value in what we can do to serve others.
  • Relational – as 2s, we draw motivation and sustaining energy in building relationships. In other words, we are “people people.” I would say that many twos are most likely extroverts, but there are some introverts among us as well. We value relationships from family to friends to just being kind to everyone we meet.
  • Compassionate – I think that one thing that really drives us as 2s is compassion. We have an inner-working that seeks to not only help, but to anticipate needs. We want people to be happy, healthy and secure and we strive to do what we can to make that happen.

What are some challenges of being an Enneagram 2?

Whereas I went sort of general above in strengths, I am going to look at my own set of challenges here because I think that’s pretty specific to each of us whereas I think the core strengths I mentioned are basically overarching to most, if not all, of us 2s.

  • Boundaries – I have definitely found that I need to not only respect healthy boundaries, but I need to establish and maintain them as well. As a 2, I’m motivated to help people, which by now is a given, right? But there are times when discernment has to come into the picture because people don’t always want help or aren’t in a position to be able to accept help for one reason or another. So, even if intentions are pure and motivated by genuine love/compassion/concern, I still have to be mindful and careful not to overstep when the situation doesn’t call for my help. Additionally, I have to be aware of not overextending myself because I have that tendency as well. I tend to GIVE GIVE GIVE until I’m depleted, so I have learned that self care is not selfish and that a part of serving and loving others well is to do the same for myself. And, of course, we always have to be careful that we don’t allow ourselves to be taken advantage of because, unfortunately, that is not entirely uncommon either. It’s always okay to serve when we feel a calling, but it’s also okay to step back and preserve ourselves and our time because there is value within that too.
  • Realizing Value – One thing I’m learning and working on prioritizing for myself is not putting quite so much emphasis on drawing personal value from what I can do for others. Now, this is a fine line because there IS value in helping others, of course. So, what I’m learning to put forward in my own life is helping and letting that contribute to my personal value when its healthy, but not letting it fully define me. Just to be candid, one area of vulnerability I have and I’m working on is that I tend to feel unvalued after giving a heartfelt opinion and then having it ignored or seemingly not taken into consideration. This has been known to basically gut me and I can’t let it be that way. What I realize I really need to do is offer my opinion freely, when asked, but then if it’s not taken into consideration or implemented, I have to know that it doesn’t take away any value from me as a person. My opinions and feelings are still valid even if they never go beyond me.

How can I be my best and most healthy self as an Enneagram 2?

Basically, what I’m working on in this is realizing my core strengths AND our challenges so that I can work on each. I never want to quit helping people and I always want to be a person who is known to “come alongside” when there is a need. To kick it back to the my teen years, I want to be that “wing beneath your wings” person. I want to be known as a person who loves and genuinely cares for people. I want it to be apparent that relationships matter to me. And I can only be my best and most healthy self if I am taking care of ME also. Us twos tend to back-burner ourselves because we get so caught up in helping that we don’t always remember that the helper needs help too. So, I’m working on prioritizing self-care as well as learning to ask for help when I need it. The saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup” is so true, so my encouragement to other twos is to take care of YOU too. We can go out and help and make a difference for good in this world and the best way to do that is to make sure we are healthy and that our own needs are met. It’s not selfish. Put that on repeat in your mind, please – self care is NOT selfish!

Remind me, how can I find out my Enneagram type?

There are plenty of tests out there and many of them are free. I like “Classical Enneagram” test on Eclectic Energies’ website and have found it to be accurate.  Your Enneagram Coach also has a free assessment online.

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I’ll be doing a deeper dive into my own Enneagram twoness, looking more at strengths and challenges, as this series progresses. I don’t have any set number of blog posts planned, so if anyone has any thoughts or suggestions on what you’d like to see here, please post and let me know.

Be Happy & Healthy, Y’all…
Kelly

 

Additional Enneagram Resources:

Your Enneagram Coach 

Enneagram Institute

The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron

Annie F Downs – That Sounds Fun Podcast – EnneaSummer Series 

What’s a 2 To Do?

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I’ve been wanting to get back into a better blogging habit for awhile now. Life has been busy, but when is that NOT the case? So, no excuses, but hopefully I can get it rolling better again, especially because I have a post series that has been on my mind for quite awhile now – “What’s a 2 To Do?” 

If you’re familiar with the Enneagram, then you’ll at least have an idea what I mean when I refer to myself as “a 2.” More specifically, I’m a 2 wing 3, but I’ll dive more into that later in the series. First, let’s get into some Enneagram basics just to cover the bases.

What IS the Enneagram?

In my own words – essentially, the Enneagram is a personality typing method. We are all born with unique personality types and have traits associated with each type. The Enneagram has nine defined types and every individual fits more solidly into one of these, typically with a “wing” to an adjacent number. (Note: wings are always adjacent, so you can’t be, say a 2 wing 7.) I will provide links at the end of this post so that you can research more if you want to do that.  (For more info, click HERE for Truity’s Enneagram description page. Very Well Mind also has this description page.)

How do I find out my Enneagram number?

There are LOTS of online tests for this. I take free ones because, well…it’s free and why not? You can search and find various tests online too. I found this one from Eclectic Energies to be a good one and it was accurate for me. I recommend the “Classical Enneagram” test on this site.

If you take a test and the results don’t seem at ALL like what you believe yourself to be, take another test on another site. I once took a test that gave me a result as a “1” which is a perfectionist. And, no…that’s not me and I know it. That being said, if it’s not the result you WANT, but is accurate then that’s a learning tool as well. But if you just know it’s obviously inaccurate then I would say take another test elsewhere online.

Why should I know my Enneagram number?

I came late to the Enneagram game. I kept hearing about it and I thought – eh, doesn’t sound like anything for me. I will just admit that sometimes when thing are super popular at any given time, I will avoid them purposefully. I don’t know why, I just do. For instance, I still haven’t seen Hamilton in its entirety because it was just such a rage that I purposefully avoided it during the craze. I caught act one on Disney+, but that was WAY after it was crazy popular for ages. And, yes…I still need to catch act two. I will. Promise. What I’ve seen of it really IS good. I just had to get over myself and my avoidance of things that blow up in popularity.

Anyway, as I was saying, I came late to the game. But, I finally dove in a few years ago and I am so glad I did! finding out my Enneagram type has really helped me recognize where I have strengths and where I could use some help in being healthy within my type. That’s why I’m starting this blog series, actually. Being a 2 means I’m a helper by nature and us 2s can be givers to the extreme. I’m learning how to be my best be my authentic helper self, with a strong side of 3 achievement too, but also stay healthy within that. As we all know, it’s a balance and if I can recognize and work on positive things about my personality traits while working to keep healthy boundaries within that everyone wins, including me.

I believe that everyone could benefit from learning their Enneagram number, but, more importantly, diving into the traits within that number. We are NOT defined by this number, let’s be clear about that. As I mentioned above, I find it helpful to have this insight into how to be both strong and healthy within my personality traits.

If I’m not a 2, what can I get from this blog series?

One hope I have in doing a deeper dive into looking into my two-ness, so to speak, is that I can encourage others to deeper dive into your own personality traits. While I’m guessing some of you out there who are also 2s may resonate a little more strongly with my posts, I also hope that it’ll encourage others as well. Once we identify our personality types via the Enneagram, I genuinely believe it is a powerful tool that can help find your strengths and address challenges within your own number(s) so you can find your happy, healthy space too.

What are some good Enneagram resources?

I admit that I am FAR from an Enneagram expert, so I remain thankful for the multitude of wonderful resources out there to help us learn and understand more. Here are a few resources to check out:

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So, here we go, y’all. The blog is officially dusted off and I’ve now committed myself to seeing this series into existence.  I hope you’ll join me here for this journey and, hopefully, discover more about your own awesomeness in the process.

Best,
Kelly

As We Let Them Fly…

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We have all heard the saying “The days are long, but the years are short” time and time again. I certainly know that to be true as we are in a transitional time in our family with our oldest daughter having just gone off to college. I remember when I was about eight months pregnant with her, Mickey and I went to a baccalaureate service in the small town in Southeast Alabama where we lived when she was born. As we were filing out to leave, he looked at me and said “Blink and that’ll be Macey.” We both remember that as clearly as if it were yesterday. Mostly, because it feels like not much more than yesterday. Sure enough, we blinked and here we are. Eighteen years came and went quicker than I could have ever imagined possible. Somehow we went from wondering if that baby girl would EVER sleep through the night…to her become a big sister…to watching her go off to kindergarten with a backpack on that was almost as big as she was…to riding out the whirlwind of crazy known as middle school…and…WHOOSH…right through high school. All in a blink, just like he said. Eighteen amazing years that had their share of happiness, memory making, growth, tears, trials, and all kinds of love.

Last year was to have been Macey’s senior year of high school. It was a year that we had actually looked forward to for a few years because the girls would be in school together one last time with big sis as a senior and little sis as a freshman. Needless to say, the pandemic changed everything. Not only did the girls go virtual for school, but Macey decided to go ahead and wrap up high school in December. The girls’ high school is on the block schedule, which we love for a variety of reasons, and she really just need to get her last few required three credits (plus one elective so she had a full load) done in order to graduate. So, that’s what she did. She had a senior semester rather than a senior year. Naturally, we supported this for her because it was what she wanted and was a good option for her to have.

Macey did early application for college and started getting acceptance notifications in the fall. She made her decision, which was no shock to us, when she got the “big” acceptance notification in November. So, high school wrapped up in December and as of January she was basically in her “gap” between high school and college. I really don’t remember the exact timeline, but we got a postcard at some point for a 4-week summer program at her chosen university sometime earlier this year. This program would allow her to get on campus early living in her dorm with her roommate for the school year and would give her a service learning class AND an academic class with full credit for both in just four weeks. We LOVED this idea for her, so she applied to the program and got in. Not only that, but she wound up getting a scholarship that covered the program fees, plus housing and meals for this summer program. Glory hallelujah, y’all…I mean…really!! 

Rather than having until August for us to get used to having a college kid, we are in the adjustment period now. Macey moved into her dorm just over a week ago, on a Friday. She had orientation and a welcome event for her summer program over that weekend and began classes on Monday. So, after essentially having her home with us a LOT since March 2020 and having a really packed beginning of summer, it was ready…set…GO and she was off to college. Just. Like. That. Seriously, this has been the fastest summer of my LIFE, but it sure has been good.

And, guess what else? Having her be off at college is good too.  People ask us how we are adjusting and the truth is that it’s going well. But don’t you miss her? HECK YES!! Naturally, we miss her being home. But, more than that, we feel unbelievably grateful that she has this amazing opportunity to not only participate in this summer program, but to get to go to college. Macey deserves this! She has worked hard and is a really amazing human, not to mention a wonderful student, so she deserves this opportunity. Also, this is the next step in the next chapter of all of our lives. As parents, we raise them and love them well so that they can go out into the world and make their own way, creating their own good in the world. In order to do that, we have to let them fly.

So, as we let them fly, here are some encouragements for other parents in the same stage of life…

  • It’s okay to feel all the emotions, it’s okay to cry when you need to, but it’s also okay to be okay. I think sometimes people expect us parents to fall apart when we drive away and leave our kids at the dorm. And, like I said, if you do – it’s okay. These are some big feelings and dealing with them in whatever way you need to is what everyone should do. But, remember, it’s also okay to be okay. We are truly fortunate to be at this next stage with our children.  So, you adjust, I encourage you to remember that this is truly GOOD. This is what we raised them to do. It’ll be a little sad sometimes and we will miss them, but now is their chance to begin to make their own way. And the best way they can do that is with a strong support system cheering them on every step of the way.
  • Remember that as they take flight, some will soar immediately, some will flounder a little bit and then soar, and some may need to come back to the nest for a time before they are truly ready. Not everyone advances in the same way and that’s okay too. We are here to be their guidance, their safe space and their launch pad. Some might need more of a nudge than others and some may just need a bit more time to be well and truly ready. I’m a big believer in not rushing these things. There’s something really good about just knowing when they are READY, whenever that is. If their flight pattern looks different, that’s okay – they will find their way.
  • Prep for the dorm room EARLY. And, I think I’m a little “late” in posting this for the fall semester. Trust me, you don’t want to sleep on getting stuff purchased for the dorm room. And you do NOT want to count on the closest Target/Walmart/Bed Bath & Beyond to the college to have everything you need on move-in day. If you haven’t already started prepping, do yourself a favor and to that NOW. I listen to the Big Boo Cast and Melanie Shankle (AKA – Big Mama) shared this link for dorm essentials. That’s a LONG list, y’all, so do with it what you will. I also have a simpler list, so please let me know if you’d like me to share it, but here are a few things that I think are MUST HAVE items besides the basics like bedding.
    • Heavy Duty Moving Bags – these things hold a TON of stuff and are strong! Highly recommend!
    • Door stop – these are SUPER nice to have during move-in time. Also, they can be used to prop open the door to allow dorm-mates to drop by sometimes.
    • Waterproof Backpack Cover – a backpack doesn’t always fit under the umbrella or a rain jacket. A cover is a NICE thing to have to keep books and electronics nice and dry on rainy school days.
    • Bed Shelfie – this is nice to have on the side of the bunk bed so that students have a handy place for their phone, glasses, etc. at night.
    • Hooks to hang backpacks and towels – I really like this one from Walmart because it fit well on the end of the bunk for the backpack.
    • An air purifier is nice to have, in my opinion.
    • Command hooks and strips are essential because they come down easily. One tip I was given and that we used is to put painters tape beneath the Command “anchors” because that helps it adhere easier AND won’t pull up paint.
  • Keep in touch. This is going to require finding a balance because, honestly, you don’t want to blow up their phone all day. But, you also don’t want to go radio silent. Send a GIF text to say good night or wish them a happy day. Send a funny meme. Just send a “Hey, I love you” message. They need to know we are still there, but just with a little more of a boundary as they learn to navigate their own way through life.
  • Care packages are GOLDEN! I mean, who doesn’t love getting mail or an Amazon package drop? Surprise your college kid with something fun every now and then…just because.
  • When you visit, invite the roommate out too. Being a “broke college kid” is a reality for many students. Go the extra mile when you can and take the roommate out to eat. It’ll give you a chance to know the roommate better and will give them a free meal. Win/Win!
  • Join FB college parent groups. This has been an incredible source of information for me and a great way to build community.
  • Keep their room at home their own. This is just a personal opinion, but I am in favor of leaving their rooms just the way they want them. Clean, of course, no one wants a stinky/smelly room in their house. But, I just mean – let it still be their own room so that they have that comfort zone to come back to on breaks. Especially while they are dorm living. Dorm life is some close quarter living, so when they come home it’s nice to have their own space just the way they have always had it. So, at least that first year, let their room stay their own at home.

For those of us going through this stage right now – we are in this together! High five, y’all! We have all made it this far. We have been through having newborns through potty-training through school and activities and driving and ALLLLLLLLLL of everything that comes with raising kids. It hasn’t always been easy, let’s be honest, but it’s always been worth everything. I have said time and again that every new age and stage is my favorite and this is no exception. I’m only just over a week into this gig, but I am already embracing this new phase of life for all the good within it. I know how fortunate we are to be here and I don’t ever want to take that for granted. I intend to embrace this for every bit of good within it and be thankful every step of the way.

When I see this selfie that Macey graciously sent me on her first day of classes, I can’t be anything but HAPPY for her! This girl has made us so proud every step of the way and I know she will continue to do so. And I also know she can’t fully flourish if she thinks for one second that we are floundering at home. This is a journey for us all and we are blessed to be on it! This time in our lives got here unbelievably faster than I ever thought possible, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

The world is before you, Macey…we love you, we trust you and we know you are going to do amazing things that God has planned for you! Go soar, girl!!

To the rest of you going to college…go get ’em! Go be game changers for the good because our world needs you!

Parents and families…we got this!

Best to all,
Kelly

Friday Favorites – April 10, 2020

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Happy Friday, everyone!

Awhile back, I started a little feature here called Friday Favorites and I would like to bring that back again. I think it’s fun to share ideas and maybe even be able to try something new that someone recommends. So, I’ll share favorites of mine and I hope you all will comment with some of your favorite things as well.

 

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Book Recommendations

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Hi, all!

I have noticed an uptick in people asking for book recommendations on social media since our time of quarantine began. Granted, since I’m a reader, I’ve always noticed book recommendation request posts, but I definitely see an increase in that in these recent weeks. While I know NONE of us want to be “stuck” any longer than we need to be, I love that so much reading is happening too. So, I want to share several book recommendations with you all, going back over some of my favorites in the last few years as well as some all-time FAVES.

 

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