Coffee with Kel

Building relationships, encouraging hope

Kelly

Lessons So Far…

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Goodness. It’s been quite awhile since I’ve posted on my blog. Almost two years, actually. And, it’s truly NOT that I haven’t had every intention of updating more often, but, you know…LIFE. I have all these posts formulated in my brain and then I just get through days and I don’t post them. One day leads to another and here we are, almost two years between blog posts. Now that we find ourselves in the midst of a pandemic and we are living in a time that I’m sure none of us really expected, I thought it was time to dust the cobwebs off the blog AGAIN and post.

So, first of all, if you’re reading this – I hope this finds you well. I’ve honestly lost count of how many days into the quarantine we are at this point, but that feels less relevant with each passing day to me. Not so much counting the days behind us as looking forward with HOPE to better days in front of us. No one really knows how long we will need to “shelter in place” in order to flatten the curve, so I’m not even trying to focus on a specific time or date – just going forward with HOPE.  Isaiah 40:31 – But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. 

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One Year of SOAP Study…

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As of yesterday, my best friend Terri and I finished one year of doing SOAP Bible studies in which we read Scripture, wrote in journals, and texted one another each and every day. We began doing SOAP studies on June 5, 2017 at the completion of our annual summer beach trip. We both wanted to get into a Bible studying habit and when I heard Louie Giglio speak about a SOAP Study on a Passion City Church podcast, I was intrigued. So, we looked into that study, the book of Mark, and decided to go for it.  That study began a year long SOAP study experience that eventually took us through each of the Gospels of the New Testament as well as James, Acts, Romans, and 1 Corinthians in their entirety. We also did an Advent based study over the Advent season and for the last few months we have gone through three studies about Faith, Peace and Prayer. We even added daily Scripture writing to our SOAP studies as we got into the Peace and Prayer sessions. I have to say, it’s been one incredible year! And, I want to talk about that, but…first I want to say a few other things just to give a clarity as to why I’m posting about all of this.

It’s sort of a tricky thing, I think, to write about something as personal as Bible studies and that because I don’t want to come across like I’m ever bragging. So, I just wanted to say right here close to the beginning of this post that celebrating a year of SOAP Study has zero to do with celebrating OUR accomplishment in that, but celebrating what God has done and continues to do via His Living Word. I’m sure Terri can attest that along the way in this year there were days when we were ON FIRE for this thing and just really sailing into it like a bird on the wind. Similarly, there have been times when we felt pressed or maybe didn’t feel “into it” on some days and the like. Just keeping it real, some days I went into it with a light and happy heart, fully prepared and sometimes it wasn’t always something I dove anxiously into every day. (I venture to say she didn’t either.) But, that’s another way the beauty of Scripture shines through is that God’s word never returns void (Isaiah 55:11) and we both learned and gleaned so much from these studies even on the days when it wasn’t the easiest. I never cease to be amazed at how God works in how He placed lessons before us throughout this year that were SO relevant to times and circumstances each of us were facing. It was like He said “HERE…KELLY! READ THIS! Soak this up, I’m speaking to you, girl!” Seriously…blows me away in all the best ways. God is just so amazing to me and the way His Word is living and relevant is just truly outstanding. I want THAT to be the focus here. I want it to be about Him. Because, He’s more than worth that honor.

So, exactly what IS a SOAP Study…?

A SOAP Study is a method of studying the Bible in which daily you have:

  • Scripture (a passage to study)
  • Observation (what stands out to you in the passage of Scripture)
  • Application (how you can apply that to your life)
  • Prayer

The way Terri and I did this was to journal our daily SOAP (and, like I said, we added Scripture passage writing the last few months) and then we would text our daily journal entries to one another. By sharing, we were able to have accountability daily AND we were able to get each other’s insights. Some days we would come up with some of the same things, other days we would be able to learn and expand our understanding from the other’s point of view. We didn’t have a set time to do this each day, but we always texted each other when we were done for the day. Each of us wound up taking our Bibles and journals with us on trips, sent them sometimes very early or very late in the day depending on the daily schedule, etc. But, each and every day we sent them and it quickly became something I know we both looked forward to as part of our days. I knew if I went to bed before I got her SOAP text, I would have that to look forward to first thing the next morning, for instance. The way this became a part of each of our daily routines was anything BUT “routine” and everything extraordinary in how it added countless blessings to our lives. Yes, even on the days when we didn’t feel good or were tired or stressed or what have you…life took a back seat to the bounty that God always offers us via His Living Word.

If you want to get into studying God’s Word, I would HIGHLY recommend a SOAP study. For the first session, as I mentioned, we used Passion City Church’s guide for the Book of Mark. Going forward from there, we would Google and find daily studies for for the Gospels and other books of the Bible or daily studies by theme. We were able to easily apply the SOAP method to those and it kept us in a great structure. We added Scripture writing in March of this year and while that added a touch more time to each day’s study time, it also enhanced the learning for me because there is just something about writing that really connects me with what is said.

I also recommend doing this with a study partner and friend. Terri and I both found that there were times when the Scripture reading each day seemed to really hone in on things that were relevant to each of us. I dare say that neither of us has EVER had a hand-written journal experience that lasted very long at all, but each of us filled up more than one journal in the course of this year. Again, something about writing is therapeutic AND helps to commit things to memory. We also agreed that being in the Word daily just helps in a multitude of ways. It was also amazing to me to read each other’s daily insights. Many times our thoughts and observations aligned, but sometimes we both got a new insight from the other. This year doing SOAP drew us both closer to God, gave us a better understanding and knowledge of Scripture, reassured and challenged us, strengthened our already close friendship and SO much more. That’s just like God, isn’t it? You can’t even begin to fully name all the blessings He provides. Same with this study. What we both gleaned from this year of SOAP studying is more than I could even begin to fully list. I have to say – my cup runs over, y’all. Truly.

Now that we have done a year of SOAP’ing, we have decided to change tracks a little bit, but still keep in The Word and texting one another daily. So…what’s next? We will be diving into Annie Downs’ book 100 Days to Brave starting today. I am SUPER excited to get started on this one and hope to be able to share more with y’all later down the road. I got to hear Annie speak a few months ago at Mt Bethel UMC at a women’s worship event and she legit blew my socks off. So, yea…I can’t wait to dive into this book and see what God has in store for Terri and me as we venture into bravery these next 100 days!

If you have any questions about SOAP studies, please feel free to contact me. I’m far from an expert, but I’m happy to give some recommendations, encouragement, etc. This past year of being in the Word, journal writing and sharing with my best friend every single day has made such an impact for good on my life. I’m thankful…encouraged…hopeful…uplifted…and MORE. God is so good and I really do look forward to seeing what is next in the 100 Day journey in front of us.

XO,
Kel

 

Finding my Discipline…

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Since spring is known as a good time for cleaning, I guess it’s time to knock the cobwebs off the ole blog again, friends.

For quite some time now, I have just not been happy with my body because I just didn’t feel or look like I wanted to. Given life circumstances in the last few years, excuses came fluidly as to why I wasn’t making healthier choices for myself. I would halfheartedly attempt to “be good” and then fall back into ways that I knew weren’t the best for me, but, frankly, they were easy and comfortable. I was letting food be a comfort, a vice, a crutch…just not good things for me. And, I just didn’t feel like me. I wasn’t getting out of the rut, so it was this cyclical thing of feeling disgusted with myself and perpetuating the issue.

A couple of friends mentioned various forms of “intermittent fasting” and I kept hearing about bone broth being a gut healer. So, I started to get interested in that and did some research including asking said friends how they did it, etc. Two of the friends I talked to did somewhat different methods, but both were HAPPY with the results. I decided to give it a try and, basically, made my own plan according to what I discovered as I researched intermittent fasting.

One month ago today, I put all the excuses and bad habits aside and I went all in on intermittent fasting. Basically, for me, this means that I limit my meals to between 12p-7p each day.  Before each meal, I take organic/raw apple cider vinegar and drink a cup of organic bone broth. Then, I eat two healthy meals per day. This took some getting used to because I am, and have always been, a breakfast lovin’ girl. I still cook breakfast for my family every day, but, at least for now, I’m not having breakfast. The first several days, my body was like “Hold up! What is going on here?!” But, it only took less than a week and I got used it. Anyone who knows me knows I love my coffee, so I do still have that in the mornings. I add just a TEENSY bit of half/half and some organic stevia as not to “break the fast.” I can have water, tea or coffee in the mornings, but just nothing that will break the fast. What I’ve been doing on my plan is having LOTS of salads and having lean protein and veggies. For my two meals a day, I’m trying to eat as clean and healthy as possible. I’m not super strict, but I’m basically avoiding starches, carbs, sugars, most grains, all alcohol, and limiting dairy. Essentially, I’m just taking away the things that, really…I don’t even NEED in my diet. And, I couldn’t be happier with how it’s working for me!

This is a very personal thing, but I no longer weigh myself. I found years ago that the scale went beyond motivating into almost an obsession. I made a decision that I needed to focus more on how I feel and how my clothes fit me as opposed to a number on a scale. I’m now one month into this plan and I cannot say how much weight I’ve lost, even though I know I’ve dropped some pounds, but I can say that my clothes fit so much better and I’m into the size I usually wear and not a size up. I’ve also been able to buy cute new spring/summer clothes in my former size. Also, I haven’t had to take any sort of antacid or reflux medication in a month’s time!! MORE THAN THAT…I feel amazing! My energy has picked up and I just feel BETTER. It is hard to put into words, but I just feel like me again. I don’t feel sluggish or blah, I don’t dread getting dressed because I’m not sure what fits…it’s blowing my mind, really! I am all about non-scale victories, personally, and the successes I’m having on this plan are tremendous for me!

I know this plan isn’t for everyone, but it’s been a game-changer for me. Not only did I finally find my MOTIVATION, but I’ve also found my DISCIPLINE when it comes to sticking to it.  Early on, I will admit, it was challenging for me. My body WANTED breakfast. But, I dug down and reminded myself that this body has fat to burn for fuel and I would not cave before 12’noon. I’ve also battled cravings like crazy. For some reason, the cravings tend to come on strong in the evenings. I mean…y’all, I even DREAM about food! This tells me I am battling an unhealthy fixation with junk, no joke. Not to pat myself on the back too much, but it’s seriously taken some “want to” and some sheer determination to stick to this, but I’m very PROUD of how far I’ve come with it. Going beyond motivated into disciplined has really helped me to get to a place where I feel WAY better than I have in quite some time!

Now that I’m at the one month mark, I’m considering adding a healthy breakfast back into my day at some point. With the weather warming up (HOORAY!!), I know I’ll need to walk/exercise in the mornings and I want to properly fuel my body for that. And, I really don’t believe that intermittent fasting is a lifestyle that I could attain long term. BUT…healthy eating IS something I can do long term. That’s not to say I won’t have a treat now and then. That’s not to say that this southern girl won’t have a biscuit every so often. Let’s be honest, I’m not  bypassing the goodies 24/7 for life. BUT, my hope and desire is that I’m breaking bad food habits and that the norm for me will be healthier/cleaner eating and continuing to feel better as a result.

To be honest, I wasn’t even sure if I should write or post this, but then I thought about how I can’t possibly be the only one who has struggled with body image and dealt with food being a crutch in my life. So, I’m sharing not because I think this is the “one size fits all” plan for the whole world, but because it’s worked so well for me.  The two sayings above have been strong motivators for me too. I honestly want to print them and post them in my house as constant reminders. Going forward, I don’t want to fall back into constant bad habits and I want to keep excuses swept aside for the betterment of myself.

If, like me, you’re looking for a change and/or a starting point for something to help you feel better and this interests you, please feel free to reach out to me and I’ll share what’s been working for me. I am, by far, not even remotely an expert. I just know that this has legitimately been the best thing I’ve done for myself in awhile and if I can help anyone else, I am happy to do so. I believe we all deserve to feel good about ourselves and this has been a boost to get me to a better place in a lot of ways.

Happy Wednesday, y’all…

Kelly

 

About That “Mom Squad” Thing…

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Mom Squad. You’ve heard the term, right? It seems to be the buzz-phrase of late on the mom social media scene. I’m sure you’ve heard it or seen it in several places already. If not, then I bet you’ll notice it now. Isn’t it funny how that happens? You never hear of something until someone mentions it and then…bam…it’s everywhere?! Just look and you’ll see it in photo posts, hashtags, etc.

But, really…what IS a “mom squad”, anyway? I guess that depends on who you ask. I think perhaps the most commonly held assumption is that it’s a group of mom friends (I hate to say “clique” as that can sometimes have negative connotations associated with it) that hang together often. Right? It’s a group of friends where the kids are friends and the moms are friends. It’s the groups where if one mom shows up to pick up all the squad’s kids from school, no one blinks an eye because they all just roll together like that. Pretty awesome, right? Yep. Unless you don’t have that. And, then…what?

I Googled the term “mom squad” and there is no shortage of blogs telling us all how a mom squad is, basically, essential to mom life today. You can read any number of blog posts about how you MUST have a mom squad and how this group will have your back and save your sanity a thousand different ways. Which…hey…that’s beautiful! Moms helping moms? Nothing short of incredible. Truly. In a world where judgment seems to be passed on every parenting decision you could ever possibly make? Bring ON having like-minded people around you who can also get your kid from the bus stop if you get stuck in traffic or who bring you a Starbucks just because or who meet you for lunch on certain days of the week because that’s just what you do. That cannot be a bad thing. But, what if you don’t have that?

See, I’ve read articles and blogs about how you need to get yourself a mom squad, but, frankly…it’s not always just that easy. It’s not like you can just WANT it and make it happen. As social and as outgoing as I am, and as many friends as I’m fortunate to have? I still don’t belong to a traditional “mom squad” and, really, I never have. I’ve never been a part of just one group of friends. All my life, I’ve always had friends of various ages, stages, races, etc. And, I like it that way. No…I actually LOVE it that way. I wouldn’t say that I so much have a “circle of friends” as I feel I have more of an “Oval of Awesome.” See, even my closest friends are a wonderful variety that encourage me in every facet possible. Where would I be without…

  • My college-age and 20-something friends? Some aren’t married and don’t have children yet and they remind of of all the possibility that is before them and how that can be terrifying, but also incredible. They also encourage me because they aren’t SO far removed from our girls’ ages and they help me to be reminded of what it’s like to be a tween and a teen.
  • My young married/young children friends? Sometimes, I get to be the one giving advice and the main thing I try to share with those who are newly married is to soak up those moments of just being husband and wife. Kids are such a blessing, but so is being together and learning life together before kids come into the family. And, I always try to encourage new parents, particularly new moms because it’s true that the “days are long, but the years are short.”
  • My tween/teen parent friends? We are on this hormonal roller-coaster together, y’all! Sometimes it’s a thrill ride, sometimes it’s a tilt-a-whirl of crazy, sometimes it’s a upside-down-hang-on-for-your-life spin, and sometimes it’s wonderfully adventurous. Through it all? It’s always incredible! And, this stage? It has a lot of great about it. Thank God we have our friends in the trenches so we know that when the tailspins happen, we aren’t alone. And when the cool stuff happens, we can high five one another and celebrate!
  • My “older” kid parent/empty-nester friends? The ones who have been there/done that and gotten their kids off to college and/or grown are of such value in my life. Just like I remind new mamas and parents of screaming toddlers of how quickly THOSE years pass by? I have parents whose kids are grown who pour that same knowledge back into me to help me fully embrace all of these years too.
  • My child-free friends? Some of our friends are child-free by choice and they remind us that everyone’s life choices are their own to make and to live out just how they see fit to do so. I feel like our world basically says “you MUST have kids”, but some people don’t feel so lead and I support their right to go with their own flow. And, some of our friends are in waiting period, for various reasons, while wanting to start their families. I have seen such faith in action in the waiting process. It’s not always pretty, but that’s life and it’s real and we all need to see that in action.
  • My “just like family” friends? I have a few friends who I very much consider my family. Words fail to be adequate here, but those friends are the ones I know will I’ll be friends with for all my days. Ever heard that saying that some come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime? The lifetimers in my own life aren’t many in number, but I couldn’t be more thankful to have them.
  • My faith encouraging friends? I think we all need people in our life that encourage us. For me, I truly value my Christian faith and, just like other Christians, I need encouragement in my walk and my daily life. I’m so fortunate that I have friends that pour into me and that I get to pour into as well. I pray frequently that our girls will have and BE these types of friends too.
  • My “not just like me” friends? I have friends who beautifully decorate my life with rich diversity. How boring and blah would life be without the blessing of diversity? And, let me just be honest here too – if every friend I had was just like me? My life would be a hot mess. I love the balance and goodness that variety brings into my life.

I feel like I could go on and on with this because I have such a wonderful array of varied friendships in my life. And, just like any friendships, some are closer to me than others, but I’m thankful for every single one in my life.  I may not have a traditional “mom squad”, but I’m no less rich in friendships that make my life so much better.

Here’s where I want to encourage us all. If you’re a part of a “mom squad” group of friends? Embrace that. Seriously, it’s incredible. But, if, like me, you don’t have that one solid group? Please don’t be discouraged. Please don’t feel like that’s all there is because I bet that, like me, if you assess the relationships you have in your life, you’ll see how the friendships you DO have are blessings too.

Let’s all be sure to value our friendships where they are. Let’s pour into those we care about and truly support one another. Really, that’s the main thing. It’s not about how many friends you have or if you even have a squad at all. It’s about being invested in those that are in your life and having those who return the same back to you. Life is short, so we must all cherish the good we have, share the burden of the difficulties we experience, and support one another as we journey together. Let’s be ALL IN on what really matters and grow kindness where we can.

Blessings,
Kel

Be Where Your Feet Are…

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Once a month, Passion City Church hosts a women’s worship evening called The Grove. I’ve been several times and I’m now on a three month streak which is I have to say is pretty awesome! The Grove is an incredible evening of worship and inspiration for women of faith. They never announce who will be leading worship or who will be speaking – you just show up and get surprised. And, seriously? It never disappoints. Not ever. So, if you are a lady in the metro Atlanta area, let me encourage you to check out The Grove. It’s such a blessing!

This past Monday evening was April’s evening for The Grove. On that evening, Hannah Brencher was the speaker. I had never heard of her, to be honest, but I had also never heard Christine Caine until January when she came and spoke such passionate truth. What an amazing warrior for Christ and for people!

If you visit Hannah’s blog, you can learn more of her story. I won’t go over it in detail here, but I will say that she has such a sweet and powerful testimony. When she first came out to speak and was introduced as being 28 years old, I’m going to just go ahead and admit that I thought to myself “What can she offer to this over forty wife and mom?” I look back now and I cringe at my initial thought, y’all. Sure, Hannah isn’t even 30 yet, and she hasn’t been married a long time, but she had some seriously incredible insight and wisdom to offer through her testimony. She is willing to be transparent about her journey, including having gone through the depths of a serious depression, and she has such insight to offer anyone at any phase of life as a result of being willing to just open up and SHARE. I admire her faithfulness to follow the call God has placed on her to reach people. She has inspired me to reach out better and to more tangibly let people know they matter. What a beautiful thing to offer, right?

One of the statements Hannah made on Monday night that stood out to me the very most was when she said “Be where your feet are…” In other words, don’t get bogged down in the past and don’t get stressed out about the future — be where your feet are and that’s in TODAY. How many of us struggle with past failures? The “if only” things, the “what was I thinking” occurrences, and the “I wish I hadn’t” aspects can get to all of us.  We have to remember that the past is in the past. We cannot change our past mistakes, but we CAN learn from them and grow. Sometimes we deal with things in our past that were not our fault, but affect us just the same and that’s also a heavy load to carry. But, we don’t have to carry the past. We can leave it. And, we should.  Just as a seed has to be broken within the earth to grow, we can grow from the brokenness in any situation. I’m not saying it’s easy to leave the past in the past, but what I am saying is that Jesus is restorative and we need to trust Him to take away the blemishes of the past. We are called to move forward in our faith not harboring grudges, but freely offering forgiveness and that includes forgiving ourselves and others for wrongs. We are also instructed in Scripture not to worry about the future. Matthew 6:34 states “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” In other words, we are to be present in each day going about life as God leads and provides. I don’t think that means we can’t somewhat plan for the future because, let’s be honest, we all do that by nature. But, what I take it to mean is that we can’t fixate or focus on the possible future when we have a very real today in front of us. We also shouldn’t put off things because that future may not come. Offer that forgiveness…send that note…tell your family and friends how much they mean to you…give a meal to the person you see that seems to need one…BE PRESENT IN TODAY. There are SO many ways to make your days matter for the good. Like Hannah said so beautifully – be where your feet are. Your feet are in today. My feet are in today. Let’s use them. Let’s go after making every “today” we get the best we possibly can, chasing God’s plan for our lives. It’s not always pretty, it’s certainly not always easy, and sometimes it’s not even clear what our today plan should be, but be in that day. Don’t let insecurities about the past or the future mire your purpose for the day you’re given.

I want to be clear here – I know that it’s not always as easy as deciding to let go of something. I get that and I’m very much not trying to over-simply anyone’s process of dealing with what life drops on us. There is no “one size fits all” way to move past things, especially if they are painful or traumatic. Please don’t think I’m glossing over the hurt that life can and does inflict. I’m really not doing that and I hope it doesn’t come across that way. What I want to offer is HOPE. Hope in the redemptive nature of Jesus, hope in a better today, and hope in healing. I know it’s not nearly as simplistic, many times, of just wanting to move along, but I do know, without a doubt, that Jesus can and does restore. Restoration might not look like what we think it should, but He is faithful. Trust that. Lean into that. Live in that. Each today can be a new beginning and a step toward healing.

And, as we go forward, I want you to know that YOU MATTER. However your today goes…you matter and you are loved God more than any of us could ever imagine.

From my heart,
Kelly