Coffee with Kel

Building relationships, encouraging hope

Kelly

On this inauguration day…

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So, today…

It’s inauguration day. That’s a pretty big deal, I think we can all agree. But, this one feels different. And, y’all, I normally don’t delve into politics because I just prefer to steer clear of that in general conversation, but, at the same time, today I feel like I should say something.

Here’s the deal – we (as a family) have family and friends on both sides of the aisle. There are also those too, like Mickey and me, who really didn’t feel that we had a candidate in the race. What do you do when THAT happens? Well, what he and I did was prayerfully consider the options presented to us and vote along the lines of policy that we find to be of major importance to us. I have been eligible to vote more than half my life now and I have been on both sides of the outcome. To be frank, more often than not, I’ve been on the disappointed side. This time? I didn’t truly feel like I had a side. This election I went to cast my vote more out of an obligation to the duty than with a sense of anticipation. Still, I believe in honoring the privilege to vote and I do so knowing that whatever the outcome, I am called to honor and pray for our leaders. That is what I did and will do. Always.  (I can’t even believe I’m sharing all this because I do NOT get political in public forums, but this has been on my heart so much.)

This election cycle can be summed up in one word – divisive. In my life, I don’t recall elections ever resulting in so much emotional turmoil on either side. Maybe it’s due in part to social media being a bigger presence in our lives, I don’t know, I just know that it’s been difficult. And that is putting it mildly, to be sure. The culmination of this cycle seems to be this very day. Today is basically a “no turning back now” day, it seems. And, I see emotions running all over the place. I wish we could find a common ground and maybe that day is coming. Do I think we are all going to always agree? No, I don’t. To be very honest, I don’t even want that. It’s not that I don’t want to us to have harmony, but I just realize that as long as we are all wired as beautifully different as we are, we are never going to all agree on every single thing one hundred percent of the time. Thankfully, we don’t have to agree to get along. We don’t have to be on the same political spectrum to offer respect to others. I fully and completely get behind what Chip Gaines had to say in his New Years Revelation blog post earlier this year when he said “Disagreement is not the same thing as hate, don’t believe that lie.” I think there are some steps to getting to that place. I think that we have to be respectful even when disagreeing. No name calling, no insults of intelligence, no threats -just no.

It’s really not difficult to realize some basic truths here: everyone has their own opinion that they are entitled to, very seldom do people change their ideals and I very seriously doubt anyone ever changed their mind because of a social media rant, and agreeing to disagree CAN be done respectfully. I can sit here and say in full disclosure that I have family and friends with whom I do not have the exact same set of core values – political or otherwise. Guess what? That is absolutely okay. It’s more than okay – it’s the way things just are. Do I hate anyone? Absolutely NOT. Hate is a strong action word that demands time and attention to the negative and I have zero hate in my life. None. I have a right not to “like” other people’s opinions, but I do not have a right to push that thought off onto them anymore than they have a right to push their opposing thoughts and opinions onto me. Fortunately, I have mostly been met with respect and I offer that too. I am a far cry from anything that vaguely resembles perfect, but I can assure you that if you’re family or a friend or human, I’m not going to hate or even dislike you because of your politics. I may not vote for you if you’re running for office and have diametrically opposing views to mine, but, again, that’s not hate at all, but rather an expression of my own rights and feelings. Practicing hate would go against everything I believe in and I cannot condone or participate in such. I won’t. We don’t have to see eye-to-eye to be kind, that’s the bottom line for me.

Back to this day…

I know feelings are all over the place today. And I know that nothing I can say is going to change how you feel about this day. I get it. As I struggled for what to say today, I came across what a friend had shared from Instagram and I decided this would be not only be my prayer for today, but also my SHARE for today:

This day, y’all. The tone of today makes it feel like it’s too significant to just say NOTHING and too divided to say SOMETHING. If that makes any sense. I don’t suppose that I have any expertise to lend to this, but I have a heart for people and that’s why I decided to post on this inauguration day. As we go forward, my hope is that we can encourage the best in one another. Sometimes, we will find like-minded opinions and sometimes we will meet opposition, but I pray we can strive to meet them all with dignity and respect.

With hope,
Kel

Volunteer Advice…

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I wonder how many of you that read my blog serve in volunteer capacities? I very much enjoy volunteering and I have for a long time. There is just something very fulfilling about giving of time and talents, especially when it’s for something you really believe in and support. I find that the satisfaction in volunteering can be tremendous. Knowing you’re giving without receiving (a paycheck, at least) really means you ARE receiving something very valuable in return. Volunteering is awesome and I’m very much enjoying that I have the volunteer opportunities that I do. For instance, I just started working with children on Wednesday nights at our church. It’s only an hour and a half each week and I only just got started recently, but I really enjoy. It’s also nice that I get that time with  Mariana since she’s in the group. I also enjoy volunteering in other ways at other places too — it’s something near and dear to my heart.

There was a time, however, when I got myself way too over-committed. It was entirely my own fault, I’ll take every ownership on that, but I was stretched too thin and I burned out on it. Given that I’m a people pleaser by nature, I would find it difficult to turn away opportunities to help when they were presented to me. After all, I’ve been a stay at home mom and there wasn’t full time job (then or anymore) demanding forty hours a week of my time. I felt that I really SHOULD be volunteering, so I did. For a long time, I really loved it. I was active with the elementary school PTA and found other ways to stay occupied within the school. That was incredibly fun and rewarding. Being able to be involved where my girls were learning was just the best! And, I wouldn’t take back one single moment of it. However, other things started to pile up on me and I found that I wasn’t balancing as well as I would have liked. Have you ever heard that saying “If you want something done, give it to a busy person?” That was me. I was so busy and working to keep all the plates spinning in the air that if you wanted something done, hand it off to me because I would get it done and keep on moving right along so that nothing dropped. I didn’t realize I was adding to the yoke, so to speak. After all, most of what I was doing was still very enjoyable and I liked keeping people happy, so I just kept on keeping on. That is, until I realized one day that I wasn’t doing everything with a joyful heart. When I was volunteering for some things, my heart wasn’t all the way in it. I was basically phoning things in to keep up what I had let myself get started doing. I was quickly becoming disillusioned with things, honestly. I realized then that I had to take back some of my time. I had to relinquish some of what I was holding onto and let someone else take it up instead. I had to learn to say no and not add more to my plate. That wasn’t the easiest thing for me to do because, as I said, I’m a people pleaser. If I said “no”, would people be mad at me? Would I upset their expectations of me? This was difficult to process, but what I came to realize is that it’s really and truly okay to say NO when you need to do that. You also don’t have to give an explanation. Your time is yours and what you do with it needs to bring you fulfillment to the degree possible, so if what you’re doing isn’t lifting you up, then it’s time to reevaluate. And, that’s just what I did. I cut back my volunteer commitments, but still stayed involved to the degree that worked better for me. I learned to be kind, but confident, in saying “I can’t commit to _____ at this time” and I saw that, on the whole, that was respected. My personal stress levels went down. I had more of myself to give at home. I had some ME time again. And, I still got to volunteer, but just not to the point where I was stretched entirely too far for my own comfort and fulfillment. It was the right thing to do and I am better off for having come to that decision.

Taking back my time didn’t hinder any processes either. Nothing I had worked on came to a screeching halt when I backed away from the charge. Instead, someone else was given an opportunity to step in and bring something new to the process. Sometimes I think that things have been done a certain way for so long that change is needed. I don’t ever want to get so entrenched in one way of doing things that I unintentionally create a hindrance to the process. When I felt the burden on my heart to step back, I believed that it was time to let someone else take the reigns. What I’ve seen has been good. And, the changes I have made have been good. I enjoyed being in PTA leadership, for instance, but now that I’m in Mariana’s last year of elementary, I am very much enjoying the role of “just” being a room mom. Every cog in the wheel plays a vital role, right? I’m still giving my time and I love that, but I’m also loving seeing positive changes that have come along since I was in leadership. It’s all a part of the process – doing your part while you can and moving on when it’s time. Believe me, there is always something else to be done and always another opportunity there for the taking. I very highly doubt we will ever see the day when volunteer opportunities are scarce.

If you’re finding yourself drowning in extra responsibilities or you just don’t find joy in giving of your time in certain ways, don’t ever feel badly about saying no. First, your time is precious and if you are spread too thin, you’re not really always able to give the best of yourself anyway. Establish reasonable boundaries that allow you to say YES as much as you can, but also to say NO when it doesn’t work for you. I encourage everyone to volunteer as you’re able and to give of your time to organizations you love and support. Absolutely. There is such a need out there and volunteers are often needed more than we even realize. That said, do what brings you joy because in doing that you will give more than you ever thought possible. If your heart is truly in what you are doing, you’ll give AND receive more abundant happiness.

To summarize, I’ll say this — life is better when we share the workload and it’s also too short to spend doing things that don’t fulfill your soul. So, absolutely find a way to give of your time and talents. Find an organization, school, church, or service that needs volunteers and give it a shot. By all means, give back as you’re able. But, also…take care of yourself. The greatest good you can give is when you’re giving freely and with a happy heart. Say YES when you can, but don’t be afraid to say NO when something just don’t work for you. As cliched as it may seem to say, I fully believe that when you do something you love, the “work” aspect seems to divide and the joy seems to multiply. So, give of your time, but don’t hesitate to set boundaries either.

Cheers to the volunteers,
Kel

 

What Day Is It?

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Is it just me or do long weekend weeks mess y’all up too? I loved having two bonus days this week since school was canceled for Monday and Tuesday. No early morning alarm, no rushing here and there, just nice days home. I’m a fan of bonus days. When they are happening, that is. Then, reality sets in again and I lose all track of days somehow. For us, reality came in the form of a 6am alarm yesterday morning. To give credit where it’s due here, Mickey’s watch is our alarm, so it’s not so much a blaring screech as it is a polite beep. But, still, anything that breaks you out of a nice sleep at six in the morning isn’t exactly the epitome of polite. There is no snooze happening here either. The watch beeps and the routine starts. We have been doing this so long that our mornings tend to go smoothly. Mickey and I work together to get breakfast on the table, then I pack lunches while he clears dishes, he drives Mariana to school first and then I drive the middle school carpool later. It just works. Thankfully, we have a great system in place and we have back-ups for when we need them. We are very fortunate in that way. But, still, when that beep sounds at 6am and it’s still DARK outside…I’m not even going to act like I hop out of bed and sing a happy song. It’s more like I stumble to the bathroom, fumble to the kitchen, and finally start to emerge from the haze when the first cup of coffee makes its way into my system. Coffee, for the win!

Back to what I was saying originally – long weekend weeks mess me up. I love them, but after regular routine starts back again I’m off a day or two. Today, for instance, does NOT feel like Thursday. I don’t know what day it feels like, but it doesn’t seem like Thursday. Regardless of how it feels, I have to convince my tired brain that today is grocery day and I have to get the grocery list and coupons ready because we are running so low on lunch supplies that these girls may have to hunt and gather in order to have lunches tomorrow if I don’t drag myself to Publix. I’m mostly kidding, but not by much.

I find that the first day back after a holiday break or just a day off is a little easier than the second day. I don’t really know WHY, but the first day back I can usually bounce right up as if I am a real morning person. By the second day, I’m back to wishing for a coffee IV. Today is the second day after a break and I’m feeling it. I didn’t sleep well last night, for some reason. I woke up about 15 minutes before the alarm and, logically, I know the best thing I can do is get on up at that point. That wasn’t happening today. It almost felt like back in the day when I was single and working full time and would carefully time out how many times I could snooze before I would be late for work. 5:45 wake up with a “snooze” until 6am today? Ahhhh. Yes. Didn’t do one single thing to improve my lack of “get up and go” this morning, but I don’t think I could have been pried out of bed with a crowbar any sooner than I had to be this morning. And now here I sit, writing this blog post that probably makes very little sense because I don’t even have a full grasp on what day it is. Where’s a hashtag for mom life when you need one anyway?

Do you ever have those days? Some days I feel like I’ve got this. I am on top of things, I’m owning it. Other days? Days that start like TODAY? I totally feel like I’m phoning it in and just cruising on autopilot. I have a feeling that most of us parents feel that way, right? I sometimes think that I must be the only one that feels like I’m barely holding it together sometimes, but I bet that’s not the case. Parenting is awesome and is seriously my dream job in every way, but, let’s just be real here, it’s also very hard. Being ultimately responsible for shaping the lives of other humans? Not a small thing and never to be taken lightly. So, when I’m feeling like I have it all together, I’m THANKFUL because I think those moments are affirmations that when those tough times come, we’re still hanging in there. I think the girls need to see that in me too. I think they need to have every confidence I’m giving it my all, because I am, but they also need to know that sometimes you just can’t carry it all, you can’t be everything to everybody, and you just have to keep on keeping on because another day soon comes. And, tomorrow, that other day happens to be Friday…hallelujah!

Happy THURSDAY, y’all…
Kel

Extending Grace (Even When I Don’t Want To…)

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This week, I had a lesson in extending grace and, the funny thing is, the person on the receiving end has no idea and most likely never will. But, that’s okay. I don’t extend grace because of who knows or doesn’t know, really, I do it because God gives me abundant grace consistently and I, in turn, have turn that back to giving grace. I know it’s right. I know it’s what I’m supposed to do. I know all the good stuff. But, as flawed and human as I am, sometimes I just don’t want to. I never said I wasn’t “hard headed”, as we say down south, y’all. But, even when I just don’t want to do something initially, when it’s right and I do it out of obedience, it just feels…right.

On Wednesday of this week, the girls and I had a pretty busy day. Not bad busy, just “it’s the last day before school starts after break and we need to GET STUFF DONE” busy. Mariana had dance rehearsal late morning until mid-afternoon, so Macey and I used that time to hit the mall and grocery store. As soon as Mariana was done with dance, we had to pretty much beat it to the hair salon to get both girls an overdue trim. We left the studio a little past the time we needed to in order to the salon a little early as we were supposed to for paperwork. There was just no earthly way “early” was happening. Basically, I was trying to get there and knock out another errand in a timely manner. There was a car in front of us in the left lane that, not even kidding, wasn’t even going the speed limit. Did I mention this car was in the left lane?! (Pet peeve, right there.) I notice that I’m kind of tailgating the guy and that’s as uncool as not going the speed limit in the left lane, so I go around to pass him and get on with the show. What does he do? He leans across and gives me that infamous symbol that doesn’t really say “You’re Number One”, if you know what I mean. What?! Did I just see that? Did he just ROAD RAGE me over a pass when he was the one driving too slow for the left lane while my kids are in the car and…just…ARGH!! So, I just decided I was going to ignore it, drive on, get the girls to the salon and let them enjoy their pampering time. I get to the turn lane and, sure enough, the guy comes up on the right of me and makes this huge point to look at me with, I’m being kind here, the stink eye. Is this guy for real? I didn’t even really look, I just watched for the traffic signal to turn (hurry up, light), talked the girls, and basically just didn’t engage. Even still, I couldn’t help but wonder what in the world this guy’s deal really was, you know? I mean, really. All that over a pass? So not cool.

I guess I’m fairly sheltered, to some degree, because I really can’t recall being flipped off in traffic often at all. I’m not a perfect driver, I make mistakes sometimes like we all do, but usually people aren’t THAT nasty. So, I was floored that this happened over me passing someone. I chewed on it more than I probably should have and then it hit me — I only knew my side. I didn’t know if he just had a really bad day, or if he’s going through a tough time in his life, or if he’s got some sort of issues…or WHAT? I had no clue. All I knew was I was trying to get to an appointment, decided to pass a slowly moving car, and encountered a really rude gesture in the process. But, I didn’t know what got HIM to that spot. The fact is, it more than likely had nothing to do with me. After all, how could it? He doesn’t know me. All he knows about me was whatever anger he felt, for whatever reason, in that moment. And, he reacted. Thankfully, I did not react, and my girls didn’t see the ugly gesture. I’m still thankful for that. No, they don’t live under a rock, they’ve unfortunately seen and heard “stuff”, but why should they have to, right? Anyway. I decided this guy needed me to extend some grace his way. I confess, I didn’t really want to be all “Hey, it’s all good” about the whole thing – not at first. But, facts are facts. One, I’m supposed to extend grace every time. Two, he didn’t really hurt anything. It wasn’t nice, but no one got hurt. And, three, like I said, I don’t know his story. What I want MY story to reflect is grace. I had to decide to forgive his actions even though I know he’ll never know. And, that’s alright too. As long as I’m not holding onto any resentments about it all, that’s what matters. Forgive and let it go.

I don’t share all of this to pat myself on the back. I am not worthy of that. I mean, y’all read me confess above that I didn’t initially even really WANT extend forgiveness. (Gulp) I’m flawed, no doubt, and I can be stubborn, but I also know that if I am to receive, I must extend. That’s why I shared this story. God’s grace? It’s constant. It defies explanation and quantification. To use a phrase from one of my old favorite hymns, it’s AMAZING. As much as I appreciate the way God pours His grace out on me, what I know I’m supposed to do is offer that to others. And…I will. Even when I don’t want to right off the bat.

Grateful for grace,
Kelly

2017 Aspirations

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I decided that this year I don’t want to make resolutions. Not that I’ve made traditional resolutions in a long time, but doing that just didn’t hit my radar. Instead, I decided that, in addition to the things I posted in the cute meme yesterday (which rocks!), I wanted to come up with a list of attainable aspirations for this new year.

  • 20 dates with Mickey in 2017. Admittedly, we fall into the routine of life and don’t always carve out time for dates. Since dates are so important, not to mention fun, I’m aspiring to 20 dates this year. They can be dinner dates, lunch dates, weekend get away dates — anything goes.
  • Log 50 hiking miles in 2017. I almost challenged myself to 100 hiking miles, but I decided I best be more realistic. With the girls’ soccer and dance occupying many weekends, that doesn’t leave all that many for hiking. But, we enjoy doing this as a family and we should take some opportunities to explore new (to us) trails this year.
  • Take a class/learn something new in 2017. Odds are, I’ll finally get around to using the Harley Davidson Riders’ Safety course certificate I got from a gracious rider last summer, so that may very well be my learning experience. And, that would be super amazing, honestly. Just so long as I learn something new and take a chance on something outside my usual realm, this one will be check off the list.
  • Incorporate new meals/recipes in 2017: Y’all, this one needs some serious attention. I get in such a rut and I am the world’s worst about menu planning. So, I wander about the grocery store grabbing this and that, then get home with a ton of food and yet no inspiration to cook. And, I enjoy cooking, that’s just the thing. Perhaps this goal should be better menu planning and aspiration, huh? I’ll work on that. And, one day soon I’ll be posting a recipe swap thread that I hope you’ll post in too. In the meantime, I’ll be scouring cookbooks, cooking blogs and Pinterest AND making good grocery lists. This is so doable and would really be a great thing for me to do.
  • Be more diligent about knocking out house projects in 2017. This one also needs attention. There are so many projects around home that I can and should be doing this year. I need to be incorporating organizational ideas, our basement floor needs to be stained, I have a table that needs to be painted, the guest room needs an overhaul, etc. In short, I have plenty I need to do.  So, I need to get down to not only wanting it, but being inspired enough to DO IT.
  • Take and complete a Bible study course in 2017. For various reasons, mostly scheduling, I haven’t been in a Bible study in awhile and I miss it. So, I would like to find a good study to take this year. I always find that spending more time in The Word helps keep me more centered. So, this needs to happen. No question.
  • Send more letters/cards in 2017. I love getting mail. I think that’s why I still subscribe to magazines, frankly, because getting stuff in the mail is such a joy to me. One small, but very real, reason I love Christmas season so much is because we get cards in the mail almost daily. Mail is my jam, y’all. It may well be my third love language. Since I enjoy it so much, I want to be more intentional about actually sending it too.
  • Have an individual Mama/Daughter experience with each of my girls in 2017. I want to plan something fun and focused on each girl individually. Of course, I want us to have family fun, but I think it would be so amazing to just do togetherness things with them one-on-one, as well.

That’s my list for now and I think it’s solid. Certainly, I have additional hopes for this year too including volunteering, family trips, getting more use out of my camera, and more. For the purpose of this list, however, I wanted to challenge myself a little more and come up with some aspirations that are worthy of achieving in this new year.

I’m curious, what are YOUR aspirations for this year?

Happy January 2nd, y’all! I hope this year AND this week are off to a bright and happy start.

My best,
Kel