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Coffee with Kel

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Family

As We Let Them Fly…

July 18, 2021 By kelly 1 Comment

We have all heard the saying “The days are long, but the years are short” time and time again. I certainly know that to be true as we are in a transitional time in our family with our oldest daughter having just gone off to college. I remember when I was about eight months pregnant with her, Mickey and I went to a baccalaureate service in the small town in Southeast Alabama where we lived when she was born. As we were filing out to leave, he looked at me and said “Blink and that’ll be Macey.” We both remember that as clearly as if it were yesterday. Mostly, because it feels like not much more than yesterday. Sure enough, we blinked and here we are. Eighteen years came and went quicker than I could have ever imagined possible. Somehow we went from wondering if that baby girl would EVER sleep through the night…to her become a big sister…to watching her go off to kindergarten with a backpack on that was almost as big as she was…to riding out the whirlwind of crazy known as middle school…and…WHOOSH…right through high school. All in a blink, just like he said. Eighteen amazing years that had their share of happiness, memory making, growth, tears, trials, and all kinds of love.

Last year was to have been Macey’s senior year of high school. It was a year that we had actually looked forward to for a few years because the girls would be in school together one last time with big sis as a senior and little sis as a freshman. Needless to say, the pandemic changed everything. Not only did the girls go virtual for school, but Macey decided to go ahead and wrap up high school in December. The girls’ high school is on the block schedule, which we love for a variety of reasons, and she really just need to get her last few required three credits (plus one elective so she had a full load) done in order to graduate. So, that’s what she did. She had a senior semester rather than a senior year. Naturally, we supported this for her because it was what she wanted and was a good option for her to have.

Macey did early application for college and started getting acceptance notifications in the fall. She made her decision, which was no shock to us, when she got the “big” acceptance notification in November. So, high school wrapped up in December and as of January she was basically in her “gap” between high school and college. I really don’t remember the exact timeline, but we got a postcard at some point for a 4-week summer program at her chosen university sometime earlier this year. This program would allow her to get on campus early living in her dorm with her roommate for the school year and would give her a service learning class AND an academic class with full credit for both in just four weeks. We LOVED this idea for her, so she applied to the program and got in. Not only that, but she wound up getting a scholarship that covered the program fees, plus housing and meals for this summer program. Glory hallelujah, y’all…I mean…really!! 

Rather than having until August for us to get used to having a college kid, we are in the adjustment period now. Macey moved into her dorm just over a week ago, on a Friday. She had orientation and a welcome event for her summer program over that weekend and began classes on Monday. So, after essentially having her home with us a LOT since March 2020 and having a really packed beginning of summer, it was ready…set…GO and she was off to college. Just. Like. That. Seriously, this has been the fastest summer of my LIFE, but it sure has been good.

And, guess what else? Having her be off at college is good too.  People ask us how we are adjusting and the truth is that it’s going well. But don’t you miss her? HECK YES!! Naturally, we miss her being home. But, more than that, we feel unbelievably grateful that she has this amazing opportunity to not only participate in this summer program, but to get to go to college. Macey deserves this! She has worked hard and is a really amazing human, not to mention a wonderful student, so she deserves this opportunity. Also, this is the next step in the next chapter of all of our lives. As parents, we raise them and love them well so that they can go out into the world and make their own way, creating their own good in the world. In order to do that, we have to let them fly.

So, as we let them fly, here are some encouragements for other parents in the same stage of life…

  • It’s okay to feel all the emotions, it’s okay to cry when you need to, but it’s also okay to be okay. I think sometimes people expect us parents to fall apart when we drive away and leave our kids at the dorm. And, like I said, if you do – it’s okay. These are some big feelings and dealing with them in whatever way you need to is what everyone should do. But, remember, it’s also okay to be okay. We are truly fortunate to be at this next stage with our children.  So, you adjust, I encourage you to remember that this is truly GOOD. This is what we raised them to do. It’ll be a little sad sometimes and we will miss them, but now is their chance to begin to make their own way. And the best way they can do that is with a strong support system cheering them on every step of the way.
  • Remember that as they take flight, some will soar immediately, some will flounder a little bit and then soar, and some may need to come back to the nest for a time before they are truly ready. Not everyone advances in the same way and that’s okay too. We are here to be their guidance, their safe space and their launch pad. Some might need more of a nudge than others and some may just need a bit more time to be well and truly ready. I’m a big believer in not rushing these things. There’s something really good about just knowing when they are READY, whenever that is. If their flight pattern looks different, that’s okay – they will find their way.
  • Prep for the dorm room EARLY. And, I think I’m a little “late” in posting this for the fall semester. Trust me, you don’t want to sleep on getting stuff purchased for the dorm room. And you do NOT want to count on the closest Target/Walmart/Bed Bath & Beyond to the college to have everything you need on move-in day. If you haven’t already started prepping, do yourself a favor and to that NOW. I listen to the Big Boo Cast and Melanie Shankle (AKA – Big Mama) shared this link for dorm essentials. That’s a LONG list, y’all, so do with it what you will. I also have a simpler list, so please let me know if you’d like me to share it, but here are a few things that I think are MUST HAVE items besides the basics like bedding.
    • Heavy Duty Moving Bags – these things hold a TON of stuff and are strong! Highly recommend!
    • Door stop – these are SUPER nice to have during move-in time. Also, they can be used to prop open the door to allow dorm-mates to drop by sometimes.
    • Waterproof Backpack Cover – a backpack doesn’t always fit under the umbrella or a rain jacket. A cover is a NICE thing to have to keep books and electronics nice and dry on rainy school days.
    • Bed Shelfie – this is nice to have on the side of the bunk bed so that students have a handy place for their phone, glasses, etc. at night.
    • Hooks to hang backpacks and towels – I really like this one from Walmart because it fit well on the end of the bunk for the backpack.
    • An air purifier is nice to have, in my opinion.
    • Command hooks and strips are essential because they come down easily. One tip I was given and that we used is to put painters tape beneath the Command “anchors” because that helps it adhere easier AND won’t pull up paint.
  • Keep in touch. This is going to require finding a balance because, honestly, you don’t want to blow up their phone all day. But, you also don’t want to go radio silent. Send a GIF text to say good night or wish them a happy day. Send a funny meme. Just send a “Hey, I love you” message. They need to know we are still there, but just with a little more of a boundary as they learn to navigate their own way through life.
  • Care packages are GOLDEN! I mean, who doesn’t love getting mail or an Amazon package drop? Surprise your college kid with something fun every now and then…just because.
  • When you visit, invite the roommate out too. Being a “broke college kid” is a reality for many students. Go the extra mile when you can and take the roommate out to eat. It’ll give you a chance to know the roommate better and will give them a free meal. Win/Win!
  • Join FB college parent groups. This has been an incredible source of information for me and a great way to build community.
  • Keep their room at home their own. This is just a personal opinion, but I am in favor of leaving their rooms just the way they want them. Clean, of course, no one wants a stinky/smelly room in their house. But, I just mean – let it still be their own room so that they have that comfort zone to come back to on breaks. Especially while they are dorm living. Dorm life is some close quarter living, so when they come home it’s nice to have their own space just the way they have always had it. So, at least that first year, let their room stay their own at home.

For those of us going through this stage right now – we are in this together! High five, y’all! We have all made it this far. We have been through having newborns through potty-training through school and activities and driving and ALLLLLLLLLL of everything that comes with raising kids. It hasn’t always been easy, let’s be honest, but it’s always been worth everything. I have said time and again that every new age and stage is my favorite and this is no exception. I’m only just over a week into this gig, but I am already embracing this new phase of life for all the good within it. I know how fortunate we are to be here and I don’t ever want to take that for granted. I intend to embrace this for every bit of good within it and be thankful every step of the way.

When I see this selfie that Macey graciously sent me on her first day of classes, I can’t be anything but HAPPY for her! This girl has made us so proud every step of the way and I know she will continue to do so. And I also know she can’t fully flourish if she thinks for one second that we are floundering at home. This is a journey for us all and we are blessed to be on it! This time in our lives got here unbelievably faster than I ever thought possible, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

The world is before you, Macey…we love you, we trust you and we know you are going to do amazing things that God has planned for you! Go soar, girl!!

To the rest of you going to college…go get ’em! Go be game changers for the good because our world needs you!

Parents and families…we got this!

Best to all,
Kelly

Filed Under: Family 1 Comment

Lessons So Far…

March 30, 2020 By kelly Leave a Comment

Goodness. It’s been quite awhile since I’ve posted on my blog. Almost two years, actually. And, it’s truly NOT that I haven’t had every intention of updating more often, but, you know…LIFE. I have all these posts formulated in my brain and then I just get through days and I don’t post them. One day leads to another and here we are, almost two years between blog posts. Now that we find ourselves in the midst of a pandemic and we are living in a time that I’m sure none of us really expected, I thought it was time to dust the cobwebs off the blog AGAIN and post.

So, first of all, if you’re reading this – I hope this finds you well. I’ve honestly lost count of how many days into the quarantine we are at this point, but that feels less relevant with each passing day to me. Not so much counting the days behind us as looking forward with HOPE to better days in front of us. No one really knows how long we will need to “shelter in place” in order to flatten the curve, so I’m not even trying to focus on a specific time or date – just going forward with HOPE.  Isaiah 40:31 – But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. 

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Filed Under: Family, Health & Fitness, Home, Kelly Leave a Comment

Eulogy for Whitney

March 7, 2017 By kelly 19 Comments

One week ago today, I stood before a room full of gathered family and friends of my step-sister to do what I never EVER wanted to do. I stood to give her eulogy. In all my life, I never imagined doing that and I would certainly never want to sit and write words to honor her in the past tense, but, tragically, Whitney was taken from us on Friday, February 24. Out of respect for privacy, I won’t go into details, but I will say that it was an auto accident that claimed her life and cut her time with us entirely too short. I’m still very much in shock and still leaning hard on my faith because this, frankly, is not the way it’s supposed to go. It’s just not right. And, it’s not okay. But, this I know without uncertainty — our God is sovereign and He is able. Only by Him will we be sustained. This isn’t something to “get over”, it’s something to learn to live with and that can only be done by God’s hand of mercy and strength.

Today, I’m sharing the eulogy I wrote and spoke at Whitney’s service. Mickey encouraged me to share it here on the blog. So, I am doing just that. My goal in speaking was to honor her and to remind us all of God’s abundant grace. I wanted to speak to the woman she was and will always be to those of us that knew and loved her.

*******

On behalf of Whitney’s family, I would like to thank you all for being here today.

I am Kelly Mellen and I’ve had the blessing of being Whitney’s sister since 1989.  Technically, we are step-sisters, but we have never been conventional enough to stick to any technicalities. If you know Whitney, especially, you know that to be true. The bonds she formed with family and with friends ran deep. It occurred to me very recently that our family is like a beautiful quilt – stitched together with various, but lovely, patterns brought together by bonds of blood, marriage, and friendship. Whitney knew her true family to be not only the ones she was born into, but also the ones she gained with Dorothy married my dad, and the ones she formed through her deep friendships throughout the years. Every person that meant so much to her added to the fabric of her life’s story. If she knew you and loved you, that bond was deep and valued in her life. And, I know she touched many lives for the good as shown by those here with us today.

If you got to see her regularly or even every once in awhile, one thing was for sure – with Whitney you could always pick up right where you left off. She had a way of staying connected to her loved ones. Her friend Brooke shared this story with me: “I met Whitney probably about 20 years ago. We became fast friends and were inseparable. We were in youth group together at ACC, we stayed at each other’s houses any chance we got, took beach trips together to St George Island with Aunt Clara, went to prom together…..we were just sisters. Like many people do, you grow up and then you take your direction of life whether it be moving, jobs, marriage. Due to this, Whitney and I haven’t been in close touch. We kept up with each other’s lives on Facebook but we never had many opportunities to reconnect. A week before the accident, I was cleaning an empty house. I was told that the realtor and buyers would be coming by to do a final walk through. As I was cleaning, I heard the sound of heels through the house. I walked out of the room and looked up and there was Whitney. Our faces lit up and we ran to each other with a hug. We spent a little bit catching up on life. She was happy. Everything she spoke about, you could see how happy she was. After a little bit, the buyers came in and they did their walk through. When they were done, Whitney walked them outside. I assumed that was it and we would catch up on the phone since we made sure we had each other’s current numbers. I was wrong. Whitney came bursting back in and said, “I need a goodbye hug!”  That’s exactly what it was and I’m so thankful that God let me have that moment with Whitney. I don’t believe that we just happened to run in to each other that day. God’s hands were in that. I love you Whitney and we shall see you soon…” (Thank you for sharing, Brooke)

We have gathered together today to celebrate Whitney’s life. To do justice to the woman she was, we must truly celebrate because Whitney was vibrant and she truly embraced and loved the joys of life. We may all shed some tears on this day, but we should also smile and laugh as we remember Whit because she would want us to do that. She would absolutely want every one of us to remember her with a smile in our hearts and on our faces. I have no doubt about that at all.

To know Whitney was to know a free spirited soul who loved music and was known to sing loud and proud in the car. As her dear friend Jennifer told me – Whitney used to get her to go for a car ride with her to listen to music, sing along EVERY lyric to a song, and then tell her exactly how those lyrics fit into her life at the time. Her friend Amanda texted me a video of Whit singing “Runaround” by Blues Traveler and told me that Whitney had asked her to video her because one day when she was old and gone, she wanted people to look back and see how pretty and full of life she was. And…she TRULY WAS. Whether she was giving a car concert, working in the vet’s office or real estate office, playing with kids, hanging out with friends or whatever she was doing…she was genuinely happy. That amazing smile told the tale over and over again.

As I shared on Facebook on Saturday, the quote of “not all who wander are lost” will always remind me of Whitney. She had a natural curiosity and she was a person who could find her niche anywhere she went. Whether she was in Carrolton, back here in Albany or WHEREVER…she always found her place. She always found her “tribe.” But, truly, she was never more at home than when she was in southwest Georgia. It is here that her soul was truly the most content and where her roots ran the deepest. Since she had been back in recent months, she was working to get her real estate license, spending time with her friends who are just like family, dating a great new guy (thank you, Matt, for being so good to her), and just generally loving life. She was very much at home and very clearly happy.

This is a day that not one of us in this room would ever want to face, believe me…I know. I would rather be anywhere doing anything else. But, I want us to all remember this – Scripture tells us in 2 Corinthians Chapter 5 Verse 8 that “to be absent from the body is to be present with God.” I hope you will join me in taking comfort in that and trusting that Whitney immediately entered her heavenly home on Friday. She has embraced her Savior, she has been reunited with loved ones, she has seen colors we can’t even imagine, and so much more. I also have to believe she’s heard some incredible music! Surely, she wouldn’t trade places now and even though we will all miss her tremendously, we wouldn’t take that reward from her either. Because as much as she experienced joy here in this life, the absolute JOY she’s experiencing now is like none we can even comprehend and I just know she can’t wait to share it with each of us one sweet day.

As we all go forward, I know there will continue to be tears and sadness. Knowing and loving Whitney blessed our lives and her not being here leaves an absence that is difficult to process. But, as we grieve, let’s also remember to think of all the good times we had with her and let’s be sure that we smile and even laugh as we remember. To honor her rightly, we have got to laugh, and we’ve got to SING. I promise to dedicate some of my own personal car concerts to my little sis and sing loud and proud just like she would.

I believe that Whitney would want her legacy to be that we should all fully embrace every day we are given in this life. Truly love your friends and family and by that multiply the joys of life and divide the sorrows. Live with faith and hope knowing that we’re all just passing through on this earth and we will see her again one day.

I love you, Whitney…and I will see you again, baby girl. If there’s a receiving line in heaven, I expect you to be in mine.

*******

This is the second eulogy I’ve given, the first was for my beloved Pop, and they are never easy to speak. I can only say that I am carried by God when I need to do something like this. I was a mess before and after I spoke both times, but God saw me through delivering what I needed and wanted to say. My best friend Terri’s dad told me before Pop’s service that he always counts on God to take over when he speaks in situations like this and I can vouch and testify that the same held true for me. Of my own strength, I am nothing. I couldn’t do this without faith. I couldn’t do any of it without Jesus holding me up. And, I’m thankful for His sustenance.

Please keep our family and Whitney’s friends in your prayers going forward.

Many thanks,
Kel

We love you always, Whitney! Rest easy and keep heaven poppin’ until we get there, baby girl!

 

 

Filed Under: Family 19 Comments

Embracing the Stereotype…

January 10, 2017 By kelly Leave a Comment

I have been thinking quite about lately about how tidily I fit into the “suburban mom” stereotype. After all, I am a (crossover) SUV driving soccer/dance mom who regularly shops at the big box store with the bulls-eye logo, enjoys an occasional treat from the coffee giant with the green mermaid on the cup, and complains about the craziness of carpool. Not to mention that I have been known to wear yoga pants and a hoodie to the grocery store on occasion,  I’ve driven the girls to school wearing slippers instead of real shoes, and even though I don’t wear them all that often, I have a true affinity for super comfortable leggings. Oh yea, that’s ME. For goodness sake, I’m a past co-president of the elementary school PTA. Dude. Stereotype, right here. Check off those boxes, I’m in the mold, y’all.

There was a time in my life when all of this would have been something I would have said “No. Never. NOT EVER.” about when it came to me. I didn’t judge then, I promise I didn’t. I just didn’t see it being me. Yes, I always wanted to be a stay at home mom and I am so thankful that I have gotten to do that as much as I have. I just never saw myself being in the middle of a “type.”  I have since learned to “never say never” as the old saying goes. I was never going to drive a mini van either and I drove one for a few years. Was it cool? Heavens NO. My mini van was all about function and I will swear to this day that having a van with automatic sliding doors when we had an infant and a toddler was one of our most brilliant parenting moves. (High five, former self!) Back to what I was saying, I didn’t think I would be IN this stereotype, let alone embrace it, but that’s just exactly where I am and I am loving it. You see, after almost a year of working full time and coming back to being a stay at home mom again, I have a brand new appreciation for this role. Please don’t get me wrong, I loved being home all those years before and I also loved my job, but both of those lead me to an even better clarity in the joy I feel now at fulfilling my purpose of being at home again. In my time away from running carpools and taking the girls to and from places they needed to be, I learned a greater appreciation for those things. Since I’ve gotten to do them again, I am more aware that they are things that I “get” to do and not just things that I “have” to do. It’s privilege, honestly, and I admit that I somewhat took that for granted for awhile previously.

When I think of how quickly the years tick off in our lives, I realize that God wants us to embrace who, what and where we are in the seasons He gives to us. This part of parenting, it’s a season of life. As much as I remind myself to be grateful for every day in this, I’m going to be honest, some times are just not as easy as others. When the girls are getting along and being kind to one another? I swear, I can hear the angels sing. When they bicker and fuss and carry on? I want to tie them to one another in one of those “get along shirts” and make them sing “Kum Ba Yah” or something until they JUST BE SWEET FORTHELOVE. Not every moment is a bliss moment. Not every day is sunshine and roses. I’m just a mom who loses her mind when I clean a room only to find it turned upside down the next day. I am the very furthest thing in the world from perfect, but I really do my best to be grateful every day for being able to be Mickey’s wife and Macey and Mariana’s mom. Because, y’all, I might be able to check off a hundred suburban mom stereotype check boxes, but that’s so good by me. Because it means I have my dream job and I have the family I always prayed I would have. On days when it’s easy and days when it’s more challenging – it’s always GOOD.

This season will pass all too soon for my liking. I know because I’m 13.5 years into parenting and those have been the very fastest years of my entire life. The absolute best years, no question, but just incredibly fast. If you, like me, find yourself in this stereotype, let’s be thankful for comfortable leggings, the cartwheel app, low fat lattes, and this crazy beautiful season of life. And, if you’re reading this in a season of waiting, I honestly just sent up a prayer that you’ll have the peace of God around you as you wait and I hope that one day you’ll be able to embrace this type season and whatever “stereotype” you find yourself in as well.

Best,
Kel

PS: I normally try to post blog entries sooner in the day, but we are on bonus day number two from school due to icy conditions around our county. So, I think we can check off another box for me being a coffee guzzling, thankful for another day with no alarm clock, hoping to clean the house, cabin fever’ed stay at home mom. (wink) Have a beautiful day, all!

The reasons I embrace the stereotype right here. My heart is full! 

 

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Bonus Day

January 9, 2017 By kelly 2 Comments

After an icy weekend, we are enjoying a BONUS day at home today. Hooray for an unplanned, but very welcomed, three day weekend!  It hasn’t yet been warm enough to melt the ice, so there are neighborhoods and roads with ice patches and busing kids to school isn’t entirely safe across our county; therefore, we get a bonus day at home. No complaints here. I’ll take it because “snow” (ice) days are rare and having extra family time is never a bad thing.

We haven’t been out to play outside since Saturday. Honestly? Given the forecast prior to the event, we were hoping for LOTS of snow, but that didn’t happen. What we got was a layer of ice, a dusting of snow, and some more ice. This was the view from our front door Saturday morning:

As you can tell, it wasn’t nearly the accumulation we were hoping to get, but it was sled-worthy, so we bundled up and went out to play.


Mickey, Macey & Mariana with our sleds. 

Our lot ROCKS for sledding. Our front yard has a nice slope and our driveway is even faster when it’s clear. So, we had some good sledding run options. It was stinkin’ COLD outside, especially when the wind blew, but it was great fun too! I took two sledding runs myself.

My main “job” on days like Saturday is to take pictures when we’re outside. So, that’s what I did. I know my role, people, and I’m happy to fulfill it.

I’m not sure how long we stayed outside on Saturday, maybe just over an hour, I guess, but it was seriously fun. Yes, even this warm weather lovin’ girl can admit that. I’m fine with cold snaps and even an occasional snow, but I’m good with all of that being a novelty rather than a regular occurrence.

We haven’t left our house, except to briefly play in the front yard on Saturday, since Friday afternoon when we all got home early to stay put ahead of the “storm.” Cabin fever is somewhat starting to set in and I think we’d like to venture out today if we can, but we’ve also enjoyed our time. We have certainly eaten well (wink), we’ve watched movies and football, the girls have played games, we’ve all gotten in some extra sleep time. In short, it’s really been quite nice. And, to have a bonus day to enjoy that some more? Yes, please! I recently saw a sign that said “Time spent with family is worth every second” and I have to give that a big AMEN! Time ticks by so quickly and I am savoring every chance we get to make memories. Before we know it, sweet summertime will be here and I bet we’ll have “Remember when we got to sled in January?” conversations when it’s hot outside again. And, when we do…we will smile because the time spent together was fun and the memories are sweet.

Oh and the view from our front door? It hasn’t changed all that much from Saturday morning:

The road, thankfully, has mostly thawed, except in the cul-de-sac area, but our yard still has a good bit of ice. Not enough to play in anymore, but it’s still there. Hopefully, the sun will come out enough today to continue to thaw the icy patches on roads and driveways in our area. I suspect we will have a delayed start to school tomorrow and then the week will continue on as normal, but we will just have to see what happens. Either way, we’re going to embrace this bonus day and enjoy this time together. And, maybe, just MAYBE, we will get to get out for lunch today.

What are YOU doing this Monday? Whatever it is, I hope you have a truly amazing day!

Best,
Kel

 

Filed Under: Family, Photos 2 Comments

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