Coffee with Kel

Building relationships, encouraging hope

Eulogy for Whitney

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One week ago today, I stood before a room full of gathered family and friends of my step-sister to do what I never EVER wanted to do. I stood to give her eulogy. In all my life, I never imagined doing that and I would certainly never want to sit and write words to honor her in the past tense, but, tragically, Whitney was taken from us on Friday, February 24. Out of respect for privacy, I won’t go into details, but I will say that it was an auto accident that claimed her life and cut her time with us entirely too short. I’m still very much in shock and still leaning hard on my faith because this, frankly, is not the way it’s supposed to go. It’s just not right. And, it’s not okay. But, this I know without uncertainty — our God is sovereign and He is able. Only by Him will we be sustained. This isn’t something to “get over”, it’s something to learn to live with and that can only be done by God’s hand of mercy and strength.

Today, I’m sharing the eulogy I wrote and spoke at Whitney’s service. Mickey encouraged me to share it here on the blog. So, I am doing just that. My goal in speaking was to honor her and to remind us all of God’s abundant grace. I wanted to speak to the woman she was and will always be to those of us that knew and loved her.

*******

On behalf of Whitney’s family, I would like to thank you all for being here today.

I am Kelly Mellen and I’ve had the blessing of being Whitney’s sister since 1989.  Technically, we are step-sisters, but we have never been conventional enough to stick to any technicalities. If you know Whitney, especially, you know that to be true. The bonds she formed with family and with friends ran deep. It occurred to me very recently that our family is like a beautiful quilt – stitched together with various, but lovely, patterns brought together by bonds of blood, marriage, and friendship. Whitney knew her true family to be not only the ones she was born into, but also the ones she gained with Dorothy married my dad, and the ones she formed through her deep friendships throughout the years. Every person that meant so much to her added to the fabric of her life’s story. If she knew you and loved you, that bond was deep and valued in her life. And, I know she touched many lives for the good as shown by those here with us today.

If you got to see her regularly or even every once in awhile, one thing was for sure – with Whitney you could always pick up right where you left off. She had a way of staying connected to her loved ones. Her friend Brooke shared this story with me: “I met Whitney probably about 20 years ago. We became fast friends and were inseparable. We were in youth group together at ACC, we stayed at each other’s houses any chance we got, took beach trips together to St George Island with Aunt Clara, went to prom together…..we were just sisters. Like many people do, you grow up and then you take your direction of life whether it be moving, jobs, marriage. Due to this, Whitney and I haven’t been in close touch. We kept up with each other’s lives on Facebook but we never had many opportunities to reconnect. A week before the accident, I was cleaning an empty house. I was told that the realtor and buyers would be coming by to do a final walk through. As I was cleaning, I heard the sound of heels through the house. I walked out of the room and looked up and there was Whitney. Our faces lit up and we ran to each other with a hug. We spent a little bit catching up on life. She was happy. Everything she spoke about, you could see how happy she was. After a little bit, the buyers came in and they did their walk through. When they were done, Whitney walked them outside. I assumed that was it and we would catch up on the phone since we made sure we had each other’s current numbers. I was wrong. Whitney came bursting back in and said, “I need a goodbye hug!”  That’s exactly what it was and I’m so thankful that God let me have that moment with Whitney. I don’t believe that we just happened to run in to each other that day. God’s hands were in that. I love you Whitney and we shall see you soon…” (Thank you for sharing, Brooke)

We have gathered together today to celebrate Whitney’s life. To do justice to the woman she was, we must truly celebrate because Whitney was vibrant and she truly embraced and loved the joys of life. We may all shed some tears on this day, but we should also smile and laugh as we remember Whit because she would want us to do that. She would absolutely want every one of us to remember her with a smile in our hearts and on our faces. I have no doubt about that at all.

To know Whitney was to know a free spirited soul who loved music and was known to sing loud and proud in the car. As her dear friend Jennifer told me – Whitney used to get her to go for a car ride with her to listen to music, sing along EVERY lyric to a song, and then tell her exactly how those lyrics fit into her life at the time. Her friend Amanda texted me a video of Whit singing “Runaround” by Blues Traveler and told me that Whitney had asked her to video her because one day when she was old and gone, she wanted people to look back and see how pretty and full of life she was. And…she TRULY WAS. Whether she was giving a car concert, working in the vet’s office or real estate office, playing with kids, hanging out with friends or whatever she was doing…she was genuinely happy. That amazing smile told the tale over and over again.

As I shared on Facebook on Saturday, the quote of “not all who wander are lost” will always remind me of Whitney. She had a natural curiosity and she was a person who could find her niche anywhere she went. Whether she was in Carrolton, back here in Albany or WHEREVER…she always found her place. She always found her “tribe.” But, truly, she was never more at home than when she was in southwest Georgia. It is here that her soul was truly the most content and where her roots ran the deepest. Since she had been back in recent months, she was working to get her real estate license, spending time with her friends who are just like family, dating a great new guy (thank you, Matt, for being so good to her), and just generally loving life. She was very much at home and very clearly happy.

This is a day that not one of us in this room would ever want to face, believe me…I know. I would rather be anywhere doing anything else. But, I want us to all remember this – Scripture tells us in 2 Corinthians Chapter 5 Verse 8 that “to be absent from the body is to be present with God.” I hope you will join me in taking comfort in that and trusting that Whitney immediately entered her heavenly home on Friday. She has embraced her Savior, she has been reunited with loved ones, she has seen colors we can’t even imagine, and so much more. I also have to believe she’s heard some incredible music! Surely, she wouldn’t trade places now and even though we will all miss her tremendously, we wouldn’t take that reward from her either. Because as much as she experienced joy here in this life, the absolute JOY she’s experiencing now is like none we can even comprehend and I just know she can’t wait to share it with each of us one sweet day.

As we all go forward, I know there will continue to be tears and sadness. Knowing and loving Whitney blessed our lives and her not being here leaves an absence that is difficult to process. But, as we grieve, let’s also remember to think of all the good times we had with her and let’s be sure that we smile and even laugh as we remember. To honor her rightly, we have got to laugh, and we’ve got to SING. I promise to dedicate some of my own personal car concerts to my little sis and sing loud and proud just like she would.

I believe that Whitney would want her legacy to be that we should all fully embrace every day we are given in this life. Truly love your friends and family and by that multiply the joys of life and divide the sorrows. Live with faith and hope knowing that we’re all just passing through on this earth and we will see her again one day.

I love you, Whitney…and I will see you again, baby girl. If there’s a receiving line in heaven, I expect you to be in mine.

*******

This is the second eulogy I’ve given, the first was for my beloved Pop, and they are never easy to speak. I can only say that I am carried by God when I need to do something like this. I was a mess before and after I spoke both times, but God saw me through delivering what I needed and wanted to say. My best friend Terri’s dad told me before Pop’s service that he always counts on God to take over when he speaks in situations like this and I can vouch and testify that the same held true for me. Of my own strength, I am nothing. I couldn’t do this without faith. I couldn’t do any of it without Jesus holding me up. And, I’m thankful for His sustenance.

Please keep our family and Whitney’s friends in your prayers going forward.

Many thanks,
Kel

We love you always, Whitney! Rest easy and keep heaven poppin’ until we get there, baby girl!

 

 

Embracing the Stereotype…

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I have been thinking quite about lately about how tidily I fit into the “suburban mom” stereotype. After all, I am a (crossover) SUV driving soccer/dance mom who regularly shops at the big box store with the bulls-eye logo, enjoys an occasional treat from the coffee giant with the green mermaid on the cup, and complains about the craziness of carpool. Not to mention that I have been known to wear yoga pants and a hoodie to the grocery store on occasion,  I’ve driven the girls to school wearing slippers instead of real shoes, and even though I don’t wear them all that often, I have a true affinity for super comfortable leggings. Oh yea, that’s ME. For goodness sake, I’m a past co-president of the elementary school PTA. Dude. Stereotype, right here. Check off those boxes, I’m in the mold, y’all.

There was a time in my life when all of this would have been something I would have said “No. Never. NOT EVER.” about when it came to me. I didn’t judge then, I promise I didn’t. I just didn’t see it being me. Yes, I always wanted to be a stay at home mom and I am so thankful that I have gotten to do that as much as I have. I just never saw myself being in the middle of a “type.”  I have since learned to “never say never” as the old saying goes. I was never going to drive a mini van either and I drove one for a few years. Was it cool? Heavens NO. My mini van was all about function and I will swear to this day that having a van with automatic sliding doors when we had an infant and a toddler was one of our most brilliant parenting moves. (High five, former self!) Back to what I was saying, I didn’t think I would be IN this stereotype, let alone embrace it, but that’s just exactly where I am and I am loving it. You see, after almost a year of working full time and coming back to being a stay at home mom again, I have a brand new appreciation for this role. Please don’t get me wrong, I loved being home all those years before and I also loved my job, but both of those lead me to an even better clarity in the joy I feel now at fulfilling my purpose of being at home again. In my time away from running carpools and taking the girls to and from places they needed to be, I learned a greater appreciation for those things. Since I’ve gotten to do them again, I am more aware that they are things that I “get” to do and not just things that I “have” to do. It’s privilege, honestly, and I admit that I somewhat took that for granted for awhile previously.

When I think of how quickly the years tick off in our lives, I realize that God wants us to embrace who, what and where we are in the seasons He gives to us. This part of parenting, it’s a season of life. As much as I remind myself to be grateful for every day in this, I’m going to be honest, some times are just not as easy as others. When the girls are getting along and being kind to one another? I swear, I can hear the angels sing. When they bicker and fuss and carry on? I want to tie them to one another in one of those “get along shirts” and make them sing “Kum Ba Yah” or something until they JUST BE SWEET FORTHELOVE. Not every moment is a bliss moment. Not every day is sunshine and roses. I’m just a mom who loses her mind when I clean a room only to find it turned upside down the next day. I am the very furthest thing in the world from perfect, but I really do my best to be grateful every day for being able to be Mickey’s wife and Macey and Mariana’s mom. Because, y’all, I might be able to check off a hundred suburban mom stereotype check boxes, but that’s so good by me. Because it means I have my dream job and I have the family I always prayed I would have. On days when it’s easy and days when it’s more challenging – it’s always GOOD.

This season will pass all too soon for my liking. I know because I’m 13.5 years into parenting and those have been the very fastest years of my entire life. The absolute best years, no question, but just incredibly fast. If you, like me, find yourself in this stereotype, let’s be thankful for comfortable leggings, the cartwheel app, low fat lattes, and this crazy beautiful season of life. And, if you’re reading this in a season of waiting, I honestly just sent up a prayer that you’ll have the peace of God around you as you wait and I hope that one day you’ll be able to embrace this type season and whatever “stereotype” you find yourself in as well.

Best,
Kel

PS: I normally try to post blog entries sooner in the day, but we are on bonus day number two from school due to icy conditions around our county. So, I think we can check off another box for me being a coffee guzzling, thankful for another day with no alarm clock, hoping to clean the house, cabin fever’ed stay at home mom. (wink) Have a beautiful day, all!

The reasons I embrace the stereotype right here. My heart is full! 

 

Bonus Day

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After an icy weekend, we are enjoying a BONUS day at home today. Hooray for an unplanned, but very welcomed, three day weekend!  It hasn’t yet been warm enough to melt the ice, so there are neighborhoods and roads with ice patches and busing kids to school isn’t entirely safe across our county; therefore, we get a bonus day at home. No complaints here. I’ll take it because “snow” (ice) days are rare and having extra family time is never a bad thing.

We haven’t been out to play outside since Saturday. Honestly? Given the forecast prior to the event, we were hoping for LOTS of snow, but that didn’t happen. What we got was a layer of ice, a dusting of snow, and some more ice. This was the view from our front door Saturday morning:

As you can tell, it wasn’t nearly the accumulation we were hoping to get, but it was sled-worthy, so we bundled up and went out to play.


Mickey, Macey & Mariana with our sleds. 

Our lot ROCKS for sledding. Our front yard has a nice slope and our driveway is even faster when it’s clear. So, we had some good sledding run options. It was stinkin’ COLD outside, especially when the wind blew, but it was great fun too! I took two sledding runs myself.

My main “job” on days like Saturday is to take pictures when we’re outside. So, that’s what I did. I know my role, people, and I’m happy to fulfill it.

I’m not sure how long we stayed outside on Saturday, maybe just over an hour, I guess, but it was seriously fun. Yes, even this warm weather lovin’ girl can admit that. I’m fine with cold snaps and even an occasional snow, but I’m good with all of that being a novelty rather than a regular occurrence.

We haven’t left our house, except to briefly play in the front yard on Saturday, since Friday afternoon when we all got home early to stay put ahead of the “storm.” Cabin fever is somewhat starting to set in and I think we’d like to venture out today if we can, but we’ve also enjoyed our time. We have certainly eaten well (wink), we’ve watched movies and football, the girls have played games, we’ve all gotten in some extra sleep time. In short, it’s really been quite nice. And, to have a bonus day to enjoy that some more? Yes, please! I recently saw a sign that said “Time spent with family is worth every second” and I have to give that a big AMEN! Time ticks by so quickly and I am savoring every chance we get to make memories. Before we know it, sweet summertime will be here and I bet we’ll have “Remember when we got to sled in January?” conversations when it’s hot outside again. And, when we do…we will smile because the time spent together was fun and the memories are sweet.

Oh and the view from our front door? It hasn’t changed all that much from Saturday morning:

The road, thankfully, has mostly thawed, except in the cul-de-sac area, but our yard still has a good bit of ice. Not enough to play in anymore, but it’s still there. Hopefully, the sun will come out enough today to continue to thaw the icy patches on roads and driveways in our area. I suspect we will have a delayed start to school tomorrow and then the week will continue on as normal, but we will just have to see what happens. Either way, we’re going to embrace this bonus day and enjoy this time together. And, maybe, just MAYBE, we will get to get out for lunch today.

What are YOU doing this Monday? Whatever it is, I hope you have a truly amazing day!

Best,
Kel

 

2017 Aspirations

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I decided that this year I don’t want to make resolutions. Not that I’ve made traditional resolutions in a long time, but doing that just didn’t hit my radar. Instead, I decided that, in addition to the things I posted in the cute meme yesterday (which rocks!), I wanted to come up with a list of attainable aspirations for this new year.

  • 20 dates with Mickey in 2017. Admittedly, we fall into the routine of life and don’t always carve out time for dates. Since dates are so important, not to mention fun, I’m aspiring to 20 dates this year. They can be dinner dates, lunch dates, weekend get away dates — anything goes.
  • Log 50 hiking miles in 2017. I almost challenged myself to 100 hiking miles, but I decided I best be more realistic. With the girls’ soccer and dance occupying many weekends, that doesn’t leave all that many for hiking. But, we enjoy doing this as a family and we should take some opportunities to explore new (to us) trails this year.
  • Take a class/learn something new in 2017. Odds are, I’ll finally get around to using the Harley Davidson Riders’ Safety course certificate I got from a gracious rider last summer, so that may very well be my learning experience. And, that would be super amazing, honestly. Just so long as I learn something new and take a chance on something outside my usual realm, this one will be check off the list.
  • Incorporate new meals/recipes in 2017: Y’all, this one needs some serious attention. I get in such a rut and I am the world’s worst about menu planning. So, I wander about the grocery store grabbing this and that, then get home with a ton of food and yet no inspiration to cook. And, I enjoy cooking, that’s just the thing. Perhaps this goal should be better menu planning and aspiration, huh? I’ll work on that. And, one day soon I’ll be posting a recipe swap thread that I hope you’ll post in too. In the meantime, I’ll be scouring cookbooks, cooking blogs and Pinterest AND making good grocery lists. This is so doable and would really be a great thing for me to do.
  • Be more diligent about knocking out house projects in 2017. This one also needs attention. There are so many projects around home that I can and should be doing this year. I need to be incorporating organizational ideas, our basement floor needs to be stained, I have a table that needs to be painted, the guest room needs an overhaul, etc. In short, I have plenty I need to do.  So, I need to get down to not only wanting it, but being inspired enough to DO IT.
  • Take and complete a Bible study course in 2017. For various reasons, mostly scheduling, I haven’t been in a Bible study in awhile and I miss it. So, I would like to find a good study to take this year. I always find that spending more time in The Word helps keep me more centered. So, this needs to happen. No question.
  • Send more letters/cards in 2017. I love getting mail. I think that’s why I still subscribe to magazines, frankly, because getting stuff in the mail is such a joy to me. One small, but very real, reason I love Christmas season so much is because we get cards in the mail almost daily. Mail is my jam, y’all. It may well be my third love language. Since I enjoy it so much, I want to be more intentional about actually sending it too.
  • Have an individual Mama/Daughter experience with each of my girls in 2017. I want to plan something fun and focused on each girl individually. Of course, I want us to have family fun, but I think it would be so amazing to just do togetherness things with them one-on-one, as well.

That’s my list for now and I think it’s solid. Certainly, I have additional hopes for this year too including volunteering, family trips, getting more use out of my camera, and more. For the purpose of this list, however, I wanted to challenge myself a little more and come up with some aspirations that are worthy of achieving in this new year.

I’m curious, what are YOUR aspirations for this year?

Happy January 2nd, y’all! I hope this year AND this week are off to a bright and happy start.

My best,
Kel